Fire Hazard

Just to get you guys in the mood for today's skit, I provided a little soundtrack that'll get you in the right frame of mind, courtesy of the Ohio Players and their hit single "Fire". So sit back and take a listen.

Don't mind me, I'll wait for ya'.

Okay, you ready? Good.

Firestorm: "Uh, should we be you know, standing next to each other? I figured we both might blow up or something if we're standing too close together."

Pyro: "Bugger if I care mate. That's why I'm a super-villain, so's I don't have to follow any bleeding rules or orders as such. Like my dad used to say, No rules, just right!"

Firestorm: "Uh, I think that's the slogan for Outback Stackhouse you're referring to."

Pyro: "You calling me ol' man a Jack of tall tales? That he ain't dinkum? You bloody angora! I outta' burn ya' damn lips off!"

Firestorm: "What the hell are you talking about? And who's a jack a what? And I'm pretty sure I don't have an angora; I have a penis thank you very much. Although now that I think about it, I do have an Aunt Flora... I think. Anyways, learn to speak English man! Maybe that's why you get into so many fights."

Pyro: "Piss off ya' bloody wanker!"

Captain Atom: "Hey guys what's up?"

Firestorm: "Okay, now we should be worried."

Bonus Scene:

Firestorm: "Hey! Those are mine! Give 'em back!"

Captain Atom: "Sorry soldier but I just bought a timeshare for these babies, and I aim to get my money's worth."

Firestorm: "Doh!"

So how'd I do Dan? I think I'm slowly, but surely getting the hang of Australian slang. Of course being able to look this shit up on the internets(yes internets for you Prince fans) makes things super easy for me.

One of the words I just happened to see, is Liquid Laugh. That's Aussie slang for vomiting/puking. I had a good laugh myself off of that one.

Speaking of puking, here's a funny little embrassing personal story of mine:

I was in 4th grade at the time, and me and some classmates were talking about different colored-boobs. Yeah I know, real highbrow stuff for a 10 yr-old. Don't ask me how we got on that topic but we did. So we all start to get really ridiculous by just calling out different colors of boobs, again real highbow stuff here.

So I start laughing, and laughing, all while eating big bites of pizza in-between all this. Well I laugh so hard, I forget to swallow, and I start choking. The really messed up part is, I was laughing and choking at the same time, because for some fucked up reason, I was too damn amused by the image of different-colored breasts, to stop and deal with me choking. So from there I proceeded to puke, and I mean puke hardcore, all the while I'm still laughing my ass off! Everybody at the table scattered like roaches when you turn on the lights, and quickly moved away from the colorful, liquid pyrotechnics shooting out of my mouth. What's funny is they were  both disgusted, yet were laughing at me, and I was laughing at myself and the brightly-colored boobs too!

After that a kind custodian saw what was going on, took me outside, and performed the Heimlich maneuver on me.

I was fine after that, and even got a free 2nd lunch to boot. And you know what? I still laughed even after all that. Yeah, what can I say, I was a silly ,stupid kid back then, except now I'm just a silly, stupid man.

And that was one of many adventures I had while doing the liquid laugh. Literally!

Have a good weekend folks, and please don't laugh and puke at the same time. It's not for everyone!

"I'm not that innocent"

Today's skit features Alex Ross's favorite superhero Firestorm(cue sarcasm) and his really other favorite suphero, Captain Marvel/Shazam. Let's see what trouble these two get into shall we?

Firestorm: "Let me get this straight, so basically you're a 10 year-old boy stuck in the body of a ridiculously super-powered, full-grown man right?"

Captain Marvel: "Basically, yeah."

                           Firestorm: "So then you're like a fucked up version of the movie BIG. And you say that you got your powers by a dirty old man who lives in a tunnel underneath the subway?"

                          Captain Marvel: "Uh yeah, but I don't think I like where you're going with this."

                          Firestorm: "Dude, that's just totally fucked up right there!"

                          Captain Marvel: "No it's not you pervert! It's completely innocent and wholesome."

                              Firestorm: "Whatever you say Brittany Spears. I'm just saying, you're lucky you got super-powers and not raped, plus a one-time ad on a milk carton."

                             Captain Marvel: "Oh, because being a walking nuclear reactor who shares body with a unemployed physics professor is so much better right?"

   

                             Firestorm: "Talk to the hand because the hand doesn't talk back!"

"Why's everybody always picking on me?"

Hey guys,

Well with the threat of Hurricane Irene looming on the East coast, at least for the poor bastards in NC, I figured I'd post another blog.

As a continuation from my last post, we saw Catman and Deadshot break out of prison. They were on the run, and looking to recruit more guys to rebuild the Secret Six. Let's see what they've been up to since.

Oh, and why do they call themselves the Secret Six if everybody knows who they are? Yeah I know technically they can't and probably won't use the Suicide Squad name, but still.....

Those crazy guys! What'll they do next?

Why does Alex Ross hate me?

Well Heather(my fiancee') and I survived the St.Pat's Festival Saturday. We had a great time all-around, both of us noting how we normally didn't drink that early in the day. To get alittle perspective on that last statement, we arrived in Columbia around alittle after 12pm, and started drinking around 12:25. We split a 24oz Bud Light and presumed to get our drunk on. Which we did. By the time we left, she got a headache, and we both wound up with slight sun burns. Ouch!

Still had a good time though, and am truly glad we went.

Alright, now the main topic of today's blog is a brief  discussion about how and maybe why, Alex Ross hates/dosen't like Firestorm so much. Now more than likely if you didn't know about the beef between Alex Ross and Firestorm, then you might enjoy this little piece, if you already knew about this, then you know where I'm going with all this. 

Now in doing research for this little article, I had yet to come across an official interview with Ross specifically stating any distain for ol' Ronnie, and I have yet to find any. So if you find any, feel free to send 'em my way. In any event I give you a few reasons why it seems Ross doesn't like Firestorm:

1). Outside of the cover Ross painted to the new hardcover edition of Crisis On Infinite Earths, there's no Alex Ross Firestorm artwork around. And yes comic fans, Firestorm is in there. Go read it to find out why.

2). Ross clearly loves the Satelite-era JLA, but in any story Ross's been involved in, there's no Firestorm!

Check it out for yourself. Look up Paul Dini/Alex Ross' Liberty and Justice hardcover. No Firestorm there. Next, howabout Jim Kruger/Alex Ross' Justice Limted-series. No Firestorm there either!  Some have claimed that Ross' is trying to re-write DC history but not including Firestorm with the other traditional statelite-era Leaguers like Elongated Man and Red Tornado. How he even includes Plastic Man in this group, dispite the fact PM didn't join until Morrison's run in the late 90's. I don't get it either, but the proof's in the artwork.



So why all the hate towards good 'ol Ronnie?  He has cool powers that made him both invaluable and unique as a JLA member, and he even appeared with the animated JLA in the 80's in the much beloved Super Powers cartoon. Yeah there were some duds in Apache Chief, El Dorado, and the Wonder Twins, but yet Alex Ross shows them love.

Hell, Firestorm's experiencing a resurgence in popularity with the whole Brightest Day saga going on right now, so I'm at a loss as to why Alex Ross disses Flame-head. I guess when you're the main creative force on a book, you can do what you like, but blatantly re-writing history by ignorning a character thats involved with a popular team in arguably their most iconic line-up, is just a little messed in my book. How much say DC had or didn't have in this little matter isn't quite known. But I figure this little issue had to raise some eyebrows, as it certainly did with a number of vocal fans.

Now that's not all to say that I have a low opinion of Alex Ross. I don't. In fact he's one of my favorite artists of all time, not to mention a hell of an idea man and storyteller. I just don't get the hate or dislike of Firestorm.

Sure you're not going like every character in a comic book company's stable. You're just not. Still though.....

And before you start to think I'm biased and secretly running a fan club for Firestorm, I'm not. My introduction to this character started in the late 80's for me. I was living in West Germany at the time, as my dad was in the military, so my family and I lived between two army bases. Anyhow, on a trip to a thrift store I found and got on the cheap, a bag of action figures. In it, were Firestorm, Brainiac, Lex Luthor, and Dr.Fate of the Super Powers toy line. I didn't know all their names back then. That would be latter.  I had those toys for a number of years, only recently selling  the Firestorm, Martian Manhunter, and Red Tornado toys I had left from that line. Anybody who owned these toys were no doubt cool, and who also probably enjoyed the hell out of these figures, as they were at the time, the best thing to come out action figure-wise since Mego. 

Back to the topic though,  Firestorm proved popular enough to be featured in at least two separate articles in Wizard megazine that I know of; the first gave him a #9 ranking in the "Top Ten Toughest" feature above the Hulk, in Wizard#70(June 1997). The second, was in a JLA special recounting Fury of Firestorm#4, where Firestorm is forced to fight his JLA teammates. He does a good enough job of keeping them busy, like creating a force bubble out of Kryptonite for Superman.

Like I said earlier, Ronnie's currently featured in the Brightest Day limited-series, and has been brought fully back to life after being killed off in Brad Meltzer's Identity Crisis story. I myself don't see why he had to die, as his death didn't really serve any purpose to the story other than to show how dark things had gotten up to that point I guess. As if the rape of Sue Dibny didn't tell you already.

In any event, he's back and as popular as ever; much to Alex Ross' chagrin I think.

Man, I wish I had that Dr.Fate toy! If only my destructive side hadn't won out over my rational side and I hadn't bashed him to pieces with a rock. Yes folks, I used to be a pretty destructive kid when I was little. Oh well.