Showing posts with label Captain America. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Captain America. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Fast and the Furyous

Got a late start today folks, thanks to the shitty weather. It fucks with my Wi-Fi connection bad, thus adding another reason why I hate summer. I know I have to break down and buy a wireless antenna, but I'm cheap and lazy, and don't feel I need a bunch of equipment just to have fucking internet. Bullshit people, bullshit.

Anyhoo.

Here's a skit I have had in the can for 4 months, but never used it. Maybe you guys will like, maybe not. Picture quality's not the best, but the dialogue, yeah I'm actually proud of that.

So without further ado.......


Nick Fury: "Yahoo! I'm a fucker, I'm a fighter, I'm a wild-bull rider! Yahoo!

Captain America: "Dammit Nick, I told you it's time for your daily meds! Now come back down here mister or there will be some serious consequences."

Nick Fury: "Eat it Rogers, ya' lousy pinko!"

Nick Fury: "I'm coming for you David Hasselhoff! I'm gonna' make your commie ass sorry you and Hydra ever tried to sissify my name with that shitty FOX made for TV movie ya' candy-assed goldbrick!
I'm gonna' make you my bitch just like I did with ol' Adolph."

Captain America: "Sigh. Why me? God why do you hate me so much? Haven't I always done the right thing for America and the whole entire world all my life? I think I deserve better than this."

Nick Fury: "Stop yer' crying ya' pinko goldbrick, 'cause it's time to kill us some Nazis. Yahoo, ya' Nazi-lovin' bastards! Get some, get some!"


Well Fury's got a point there; after all that Nick Fury movie from FOX really was god-awful. I mean the chick playing Madame Hydra, Sandra Hiss was hot as hell, but the whole movie looked low-rent, and it showed. Thus probably why it took a bad-ass like Sam L. Jackson to make Fury cool again....you know, even if this Nick Fury's black. But I digress.

In honor of Fury's.....enthusiasm, here's a track from probably one of his favorite movies, Full Metal Jacket, called "Hello Vietnam."

Take it away Johnny Wright!




Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Don't ask, Don't tell!

Happy 4th of July people!

I'm sure around this time today, you're grilling burgers and dogs, drinking cold beer, and getting ready to blow shit up with fireworks. God bless ya' if you are, because our brave men and women serving in the military give and continue to give us the opportunity to do all this.

Speaking, of the military, this leads into an very opportunistic and strangely appropriate post for today.

I recently read on the comicbookresources.com forum, a thread where some people asked if Captain America was gay. I too wondered about that, especially given how now GA Green Lantern Alan Scott was recently turned gay. But don't worry, I'm not turning Cap gay. But it is interesting to know what he's into since he's a man straight out of the 40's.

Let's have a look shall we?

Captain America: "Hey Bucky, remember back in the war when we used to have war-buddies?"

Bucky-Cap: "Uh yeah, Cap I do."

Cap: "God those were good times. Hunkering down in the cold and often, blood-filled trenches, with nothing but a war-buddy to keep you warm and grounded to reality. Of course nowadays you have that "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Good, good stuff. Best thing Clinton ever did besides getting a blowjob from that nice young woman from Hooters."

Bucky-Cap: "No Cap, Obama repelled that policy awhile ago."

Cap: "Oh. He did, did he? Damn shame. I wonder what they'll do now?"

Cap: "Did I ever tell you back in the 60's we used to call blowjobs LBJ's? Yeah, LBJ himself thought that was a hoot. Of course the "L" sometimes meant different things. Sometimes it meant Long or Little, depending on the size of the President's little Commander-in-Chief. If you get my drift."

Bucky-Cap: "*Sigh*, yes Cap, I get it. No, this isn't awkward at all. Somebody just kill me now!"


And think I was going to save this one too.

Monday, April 23, 2012

"Bang your head...Metal health will drive you mad!"

Hey folks. Enjoy the weekend? I'll take that as a yes/no.

Well today's skit is one long since done and in the can(no not that can you sickos) so enjoy.


Iron Man: "I'm Heavy Metal!"
Thor: "I say thee nay; I am heavy metal!"

Iron Man: "Am not!"
Thor: "'Tis true friend Tony!"
Iron Man: "Am not!"
Thor: "'Tis true!"

Iron Man: "Hey Steve, help us settle this thing between Thor and I. I say I'm Heavy Metal because, well look at me; I'm wearing a suit of metal armor, so I'm more heavy metal than Thor."

Thor: "I say thee no good Captain! I am Thor, God of Thunder! I am the very inspiration behind the very genre and every heavy metal band past, present, and future!"

Captain America: "That's a good point Thor."

Iron Man: "Maybe that weird Swedish metal crap, but not Metal in general! Hell, Black Sabbath named a song after me for God's Sake! It's even the main soundtrack in my movies. You don't even have your own song."

Captain America: "Tony made a good point there Thor, so-"

Thor: "Watch where thy tread friend Tony! You forgeth who thou speakth to. I am the very God of Heavy Metal Thunder, as the noble Steppenwolf and KISS both doth proclaim."

Iron Man: "Bullshit! you are not heavy metal!"

Thor: "'Tis so foul pretender!"

Iron Man: "Am not!"

Captain America: "Guys c'mon on, this is getting a little ridiculous here."

Captain America: "Guys! Guys!"

Thor: "'Tis true!"
Iron Man: "Am not!"
Thor: "'Verily I say, 'tis true!"
Iron Man: "Are not,I am!"

Thor: "I say thee nay! My father Odin and Brother Ronnie Dio(who doth dwell now in the halls of Valhalla) hath decreed it so!"

Iron Man: "The hell he did, plus he could never replace Ozzy Osbourne. And I'm heavy metal!"
Thor: "'Tis not, I am!"
Iron Man: "No,I am!"

Captain America: "Oh the hell with this! I'm gonna' go listen to my Glen Miller records!"

Thor: "I am!"
Iron Man: "No,I am!"

Well people, what do you think? Personally, they both make strong arguments for their respective cases, but they both are, so that should be that.

As always, feel free to hit me up on the comments section, and let me know what you guys think. Suggestions for future skits are also welcome as a couple you have already told me what you'd like to see, so feel free to suggest away. 




Saturday, April 7, 2012

"(Super) Perfect Strangers"

Special Weekend edition folks! Yes, I got my computer fixed, so I'm ready and willing to corrupt the minds of future generations. You have been warned!

Now, you're probably asking, "What the hell's up with the title?" Simple. Anyone from my generation that watched a lot of TV in the 80's knows the title is a play/joke on a sitcom from the 80's called Perfect Strangers. If you don't know, then to to YouTube you must go!

 Go ahead, I'll wait. Watched it yet? Alright then enough of that and on to the feature skit:

















-Cap and OMAC both stare at each other, meeting for the 1st time ever.

















Captain America: "So...."


































OMAC: "So....."


































Cap: "OMAC right? I've heard of you before. You're some super-soldier from the future right?"
OMAC: "Yeah something like that. And you're Captain America, the famous super-soldier from WW2 correct?"


































Cap: "Yes I am. Can't believe we've never met before even though we share the same creator, papa Jack Kirby."
OMAC: "I know right? Small world. So....."


































CAP: "So...nice hair."
OMAC: "Thanks. Would you believe it's as strong as your shield? At least that's what I've heard."


































Cap: "No kidding huh? So you come from the future right? Can you tell me about it?"
OMAC: "Yeah, let's not go there. Too many bad memories."


































Cap: "PTSD?"
OMAC: "Oh yeah!"


































Cap: "I heard that. War really is hell isn't it?"
OMAC: "Brother, don't I know it! You have a kid sidekick too?"
Cap: "Yeah, like you said, let's not go there."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

"If it weren't for my shield, one of his blows would turn me to paste!"

Hey kids, it's Random Comic Review time, and you know what that means: a random back issue from my personal collection gets reviewed.

Todays's comic up for review is a personal favorite of mine. Not just for the good story, but the cool cover that captured my attention. I'm talking about Captain America(Vol.1)#365.

Now for a brief little backstory on why I like this issue so much. This comic book came out around Mid-December of '89, when I was a simple 8 year-old comic book fan. I was living in West Germany at the time, so the only time I could buy comics is when I went to the local BX bookstore on base. It was there that I would lose myself amidst all the titles that were available at the time from Marvel and DC, and simply pour over whatever comic cover appealled to me. I mostly bought comics because of the cover and interior art, much as I would do for most of my comic book collecting life. If the art was good, then it didn't matter what the story was about. And if the story was good, well then that was a bonus in my young eyes. Hey I'm a visual person so sue me! Anyway, the cover of this issue with Namor punching out Cap while underwater quickly caught my eye and I was hooked! Sure I knew even then, that Namor the submariner was supposed to be a good guy, bu it didn't matter that he was fighting Cap. Neither did the Acts of Vengence banner on the front. So I flipped through it and then decided to buy it, and have never regretted that decision ever since.

This story takes place during the legendary scribe Mark Gruenwald's run, and what a run he had. This issue wasn't my first exposure to Mark's cap run, as I first picked up the last part of his Bloodstone Hunt Saga. I followed that from there with this issue on through his Streets of Poison saga, picked up 381(the 50th anniversary issue), and then sporadically picked up his early to mid '90's run with the CapWolf storyline. Yeah I know that last one is considered silly, but it has been collected into a TPB if you want to have a look see, as has the Streets of Poison story. Getting back to the subject, I throughly enjoy Mark's run during this time as I did back then. Artists Kieron Dwyer and later Ron Lim seemed to perfectly compliment Gruenwald's stories. Clean, yet still dynamic. And overall great storytelling. It doesn't get any better than this. As for the Acts of Vengence banner, for those who don't already know, this company line-wide event was basically all of the villains fighting superheroes they normally wouldn't or didn't fight. For example, Daredevil fought Ultron, The X-Men fought the Mandrin, Wolverine fought Tiger Shark, and so on. You get the idea, and what an interesting idea it was at the time. I guess the general conscenious amongst the bad guys was that if they fought a different foe than they regularly fought, then that would somehow enable them to have more success. Hey that was the basic idea at the time!

Now on to the review.....

Captain America(vol.1)#365 starts off right after the battle between Crossbones and Cap from the last few issues. The story's title is Submission, and you'll see later on why it's called that. 

We start off with the Red Skull in the middle of chewing out his main guy Crossbones and looking pissed off. He's was mad at Crossbones for directly engaging with Cap during last issue, and wants him to go round up any potential bad guys that have just escaped from the government's superhuman penitentiary. CB leaves to go to this, leaving the Red Skull behind in his office. When all of a sudden a mysterious man suddenly appears out of nowhere with a "business propostion" for the Red Skull. It seems the mystery man is getting together a collection of all the major big gun villains to get rid of those pesky superheroes once and for all, and he wants the Red Skull to join him. RS is taken aback by this, and before he can answer, the mystery man disappears leaving a magic door behind. We then join Cap and his friend(and later girlfriend) Diamondback as they make there way to what was then the Avenger's main headquarters, Avengers Island.  What Cap doesn't know, and is explained to him by Jarvis, the Avenger's butler, is that a whole bunch of Doombots sunk the island. I think this occured in the main Avengers title right around this time. We leave Cap as he's dumbfounded how this could have happened, and switch to seeing Namor the Sub-mariner. He too is briefly visited by the same mystery man who appeared before the Red Skull, and also wants Namor to join his little group. Before Namor can respond, the mystery man disappears, again leaving behind a magic door in case Namor decides to join. Back to Crossbones who manages to round up one of those escaped villains. It's the Controller, and he's pissed about being abducted. But he makes a deal with the Red Skull, and we later see him get the drop on Namor, who was simply planning on stopping by the now sunked Avengers Island. The Controller places his patented control discs on Namor's neck and takes off. Instead of wondering what that was all about, we quickly get the answer, as Captain America heads off to go find Namor after finding out that he was recently seen in the area. Cap's flying around on his hoverbike, when out of nowhere Namor goes flying right through Cap and the hoverbike. Cap's knocked into the New York Bay, where Namor drives him quickly under, trying to drown him. Cap tries to stop the attack, hitting Namor's neck in an attempt to reach back up to the surface. He finally makes it up for air right near Liberty Island, when Namor comes up from behind and knocks him down to the ground. He stalks Cap before coming after him again, ready to kill Cap. But Cap's been playing possum, and right at the moment that Namor goes to strike, Cap leaps up and smashes Namor right in the back of the neck with his shield. The blow to the disc takes out Namor and forces him into a coma-like state. We leave Cap swearing vengence upon the Controller for doing this to Namor, after all he was just trying to get the disc off Namor. The issue ends with the Red Skull finally deciding to join the mystey man's group as he enters the door left behind for him. And....to be continued!

If you didn't already know, Namor's fine. The next issue has Hank Pym figure out how to get the disc off without seriously hurting Namor, and goes into Cap going after the Controller. Also in case you didn't know, the mystery man is.....*Spolier Alert*.....Loki. As it turns out, the whole "Acts of Venegence" things was just another scheme to get even with his brother Thor and the Avengers. In the end it doesn't work, but does make for some interesting match-ups. Every main Marvel title was involved for this one, like how it is now, but you didn't have to buy every issue out there in order to understand the main story.

Acts of Venegence, for those who are interested, is readily available in TPB form. This was just recently collected and released last year, and contains all of the relevant titles to the overall storyline. You can always do what I do, and Wiki whatever extra info you want concerning this event.