The Fast and the Furyous

Got a late start today folks, thanks to the shitty weather. It fucks with my Wi-Fi connection bad, thus adding another reason why I hate summer. I know I have to break down and buy a wireless antenna, but I'm cheap and lazy, and don't feel I need a bunch of equipment just to have fucking internet. Bullshit people, bullshit.

Anyhoo.

Here's a skit I have had in the can for 4 months, but never used it. Maybe you guys will like, maybe not. Picture quality's not the best, but the dialogue, yeah I'm actually proud of that.

So without further ado.......

Nick Fury: "Yahoo! I'm a fucker, I'm a fighter, I'm a wild-bull rider! Yahoo!

Captain America: "Dammit Nick, I told you it's time for your daily meds! Now come back down here mister or there will be some serious consequences."

Nick Fury: "Eat it Rogers, ya' lousy pinko!"

Nick Fury: "I'm coming for you David Hasselhoff! I'm gonna' make your commie ass sorry you and Hydra ever tried to sissify my name with that shitty FOX made for TV movie ya' candy-assed goldbrick!

I'm gonna' make you my bitch just like I did with ol' Adolph."

Captain America: "Sigh. Why me? God why do you hate me so much? Haven't I always done the right thing for America and the whole entire world all my life? I think I deserve better than this."

Nick Fury: "Stop yer' crying ya' pinko goldbrick, 'cause it's time to kill us some Nazis. Yahoo, ya' Nazi-lovin' bastards! Get some, get some!"

Well Fury's got a point there; after all that Nick Fury movie from FOX really was god-awful. I mean the chick playing Madame Hydra, Sandra Hiss was hot as hell, but the whole movie looked low-rent, and it showed. Thus probably why it took a bad-ass like Sam L. Jackson to make Fury cool again....you know, even if this Nick Fury's black. But I digress.

In honor of Fury's.....enthusiasm, here's a track from probably one of his favorite movies, Full Metal Jacket, called "Hello Vietnam."

Take it away Johnny Wright!

"The Doctor will see you now"....

Another day, another dollar. Well not for me, but for someone somewhere probably.
I finished writing some new skit material, now I just have to wait for the weather to improve so I can start taking pictures and then post. Damn you weather!

Here's one I did finish, and it's a little thing I call "The Doctor will see you know"....

Dr. Strange: "Tony, have you seen my cape? I-, oh for the love of Hogarth! Tony give me back my cape!"

Iron Man: "Come on Strange, I look totally fucking pimp in this thing.

Dr. Strange: "Tony, you have no idea what kind of magical forces you're messing with. You could unleash an untold amount of destruction and devastation just by wearing that thing."

Iron Man: "Oh come on, you're just mad because I look better in this thing than you do. Besides, according to an old issue of What If?, I was Sorcerer Supreme instead of you once. See:

"See? I make this shit look good!"

Dr. Strange: "Sigh. That was another world Tony. It hardly counts at all"

Iron Man: "Yeah so? Plus, I can make up cool spells too. Check it out: 

"By the loose whores of the Sunset Strip, I banish you straight to the hell of an AA meeting!"

 or 

"By the drunken antics of Lindsey Lohan, I sentence you to 100 hours of community service!"

Dr. Strange: "Sign."

Iron Man: "Besides, I can't give it back to you because there's a waiting list to use your cloak."

Dr. Strange: "There's a what!? Dammit Tony!"

Nick Fury: "Damn straight there's a line Captain Hocus Pocus, and I'm next after the Booze hound over there."

 Dr. Strange: "Well how in the hell do I get home now?"

Nick Fury: "Click your heels together 3 times and say there's no place like home. No? Fine just use my jetpack."

Dr. Strange: "I really need to find better friends than this. I hope Wong's making tea, because I have a massive fucking headache!"

Nick Fury: "The name's Fury, Dr. Fury sweet tits. I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, except bubble gum's for pussies and I'd rather chew on a cuban, so there."

-Look familiar? It should:

Thanks Goo!

Daredevil: "Sweet, I think I can see again! Oh the colors, the beautiful, beautiful colors!

That better be the cloak and not a brain tumor doing this."

Luke Cage: "Yeah boyyyyyy! By the sweet, funky shades of the Harlem Globtrotters, I am Dr. Love!"

Luke Cage: "That's right, that's right. Because I'm a smooth pimp, who lovesssssss the pussy! And this here's my blind manservant, Whitey!"

Daredevil: What!? I'm Daredevil Luke."

Luke Cage: "Uh yeah, this is my manservant Daredevil. He can't see too good, but damn can this man find the pussy. Now can you dig that suckaaaaaaa?"

Daredevil: "I can dig it."