Flair for the gold

Welcome to the first post of the new month. I promise to put on a hell of a show for you today,
so enjoy

Speaking of fun, you recognize this commercial?

Yeah I know, I know. God bless him though, as he's still going, living like it's 1986 and he's on top of the world. Of course if it really was 1986 again, that still wouldn't be enough time to for him to save up money to pay off  the millions.....and millions, he owes the in back taxes to the IRS. Sad but true.

Anyways, as is the custom here at the House of Fun, I parody the shit out these unintentionally funny commercials as only I can.

I dare you not to laugh.......

Trigon: "Whew! Man, looking for my other arm and leg is really taking a lot out of me. I need to drink some blood quick, or sacrifice some of those delightful crack babies everyone's raving about, because I am tired."

Things look bleak for Trigon until all of a sudden......

WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Ric Flair(God): "Woooooo! The souls of those poor little crack babies wouldn't drain themselves. Here, why don't you drink this energy shot and get that blood and demonic energy pumping again. It really puts the wooooooo! in my WOOOOOO!

Don't forget to to spay and neuter your kids! Wooooooo!"

Trigon: "I don't know what the hell that was all about, but now I'll be able to find the rest of me and conquer this pitiful planet and all its dimensions in no time. Thank you Ric Flair. You lovable broke bastard! Wooo indeed ."

Elsewhere we find.......

Iron Man: "Hic', Uh, uh, Harmpfhhfh! Oh, oh God! That was worse than the last one! G**damn Matt Fraction for costing me my hard-fought sobriety and making me a stinking drunk again! I swear, when I find him I'm going to repulsor blast his fucking face right off! Hurmph! 

Oh, uh, I think it just came out of both ends! Rhodey! Rhodey! Come quick and clean me up. I just had an accident in my suit. Oh, god the smell...."

And then all of a sudden.....

WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Iron Man: "Oh no!"

Ric Flair: "Wooooo! Hello Tony. Looks like you're in need of a serious pick me up champ."

Iron Man: "Oh Steve Jobs no! Not you again! Last time we partied together, you out drank me and stole all the women."

-It's true kids he did!

Ric Flair: "Here, drink my new and improved energy shot. One drink of my energy shot, and you'll be back to pounding those drinks hard , and pounding the women even harder. Wooooooo!"

Iron Man: "Well, fuck it! It's not like my day can get any worse right? Wait what was that? Reboot in the MU? Bendis leaving the Avengers? Noooooooooo!"

Elsewhere again......

Red Arrow: "Ughh man! I'm so wiped out from that last 48 hour Heroin binge while watching that Young Justice marathon, that I don't have enough energy left in me to shot up my last batch."

Then suddenly......

Wooooooooo!

Red Arrow: "Whaa!?"

Ric Flair: "Wooooo!  What's the matter little Brother, got Iced again? 

Red Arrow: "Uh yeah, you can say that."

Ric Flair: "Well don't worry, because the 16! 16! 16! 16! 16 time World Heavyweight champion of the world has got just the energy shot for you. After drinking a shot of this, you'll be ready to get back on the horse again. Woooooo!

Red Arrow: "Wow Ric Flair, thanks!"

Ric Flair: "That's right. Drink Ric Flair's energy shot. It puts the woooooo! in my Wooooooo!

Did I ever tell you how me and the 4 Horsemen used to party all night and party a little longer? Woooo! It's true brother."

Red Arrow: "Wait, you and 3 other guys used to do Heroine so much you named yourselves after it? Fuckin' Sweeeeet!"

Red Arrow: "Huh, what!? What the hell just happened? Oh man, I think I just hallucinated that Ric Flair was here. That's weird. Oh well, thanks to that little nap, I can get back to doing what I do best: Shooting......Heroin. Ha, you though I was gonna' say arrows huh? Suckers."

The WOOOOOOOOO! End.

Tales from the top shelf: Nekron's Blues

Hey people.
Today I figured I'd try something different, as I begin a series of short skits under the "Tales from the top shelf" banner. Enjoy.

Nekron: "Wait, what's is this infernal place I've been taken to?"

                           Ultra-Humanite: "Ah, greetings Nekron old chap. You're right where you belong,                  here in the land of uncompleted C&C's."


                           Nekron: "What!?"

Nekron: "No, that can't be, Nooo! I was the star of Blackest Night! Surely that must count for something?"

Ultra-Humanite: "Sorry chum. But your new home is here. You'll get used to it once you've accepted the fact that you're not completed, and might not ever be."

Nekron: "Nooooooo!"

Ultra-Humanite: "Oh come now. It isn't all that bad here. Triton performs delightful magic tricks and karoke on Fridays.

Trigon: "Pick a card, any card? Is this yours?"

Ultra-Humanite: "Whilst I re-enact scenes from Shakespeare on PBS Sundays. You'll learn to love this place as we all have."

Nekron: "I can't believe I've been relegated to this...this..."

OMAC: "Hell-hole? And might I say, just from looking at you all this time....Damn!"

Nekron: "Yes hell-hole. Thank you. Wait, what did you just say?"

Nekron: "Oh me! If I wasn't already dead, I'd kill myself! I wonder if anyone here happens to have Dr. Kevorkian's phone number?"

Trigon: "What's his problem? At least he has one of his natural legs."

Ultra-Humanite: "Perhaps our poor,dear fellow here is on a hunger strike. 'Twould explain the starving artist look he's chosen to adapt."

And just to show you how many spare/uncompleted C&C/BAF parts I have from collecting figures over the years.......

Quite a mess huh? And no, I'm not sure if they'll ever be completed. But I won't say no to donations:)

Oh, and Alan Scott, the Golden Age Green Lantern, might be gay. I guess that explains his son Obsidian. Well maybe not, but still.......

"He's got legs...and he knows how to use them"

Normally I would've waited until Monday to post this, but what the fuck, I was feeling bored and antsy(who says antsy anymore?). I've been working like a mad scientist on getting enough quality pics to fit the skits I've already written down I just hadn't gotten the pics to go along with them. Problem solved for about 85 to 90% of them. But don't worry faithful viewers because I have at least a week or two of skits(if I space them out right) worth of material already edited and ready to go.

Whew, that was a mouthful.

Alright, enough with the boring speech and on with the show:

*On a side note, nice title huh? You'll soon see why I picked the altered title based off a ZZ Top song, "She's got legs." And of course, you'll finally see the skit where I got those funky pics from for Thursday's post.

Trigon: "Sign"

Robin: "Trigon? What the heck happened to you?"

Trigon: "Go away, I don't want to talk about it okay?"

                Robin: "But you're missing an arm, and hey, those aren't your legs! What gives?"

                  Trigon: "Gee, nothing gets past you does it Nancy Drew?"

Robin: "Hey, there's no reason to be such a grouch about it."

Trigon: "Sorry, you're right. It's just that the asshole who bought me couldn't be bothered to buy the rest of the figures required to finish building me, thus explaining why I look such a hot mess, as you kids say."

*Side note: If Trigon happens to have a credit card handy, I'll be more than happy to finish him off(that didn't sound right).Until then he should be grateful he's not like the rest of the unfinished C&C's that can't even bitch or moan about their current situation. Thank you.

Robin: "Man that really sucks!"

Trigon: "Yeah, no shit sherlock! And to make things worse, there's no spare arms around that fit since they're all lefties. But at least I have legs."

Robin: "Hey, aren't those the Anti-Monitor's legs?"

Trigon: "Yeah, but I miss my own legs. For some weird reason I have an insatiable craving for whole worlds and multiverses. Crazy shit I tell you, and that's coming from someone who looks like the Devil and Bambi's dad fucked and out came me."

Robin: "That...that...just blew my mind and wrecked my childhood memories of Bambi all in one shot. Gee, thanks."

Fun With Pictures

Hey folks and welcome to an  unveiling of  a new disaster piece.
Before the new official sketch based off these pictures gets its proper debut, I was feeling suddenly creative(wasted) and started messing around with the aforementioned pics, and then this stuff came out.

You are forewarned to the sick sorts of test photos that emerged from this creative session.
So don't blame me if you happen to piss, shit, or spew liquids from your bodies while looking at these.

Enough with the court-mandated warning, and on to the show, Fun With Pictures WTF!? Edition:

"You know, Skid Row was right; It really is just wasting time."

"Just, just dance, it'll be okay. Spin that record baby, and just dance."

"Did you bring the condoms this time?"

"Whoops, sorry."

"Fill my eyes, with that double vision. There's no disguise, for that double vision."

"You got my money bitch? You have enough money to buy a fake mustache, but you can't pay me back my money?"

"Kind of bright in here isn't it?"

"No, seems fine in here to me."

"I tried to get you your half of everything Bob, but your ex-wife's lawyer is a real bitch! She really did want an arm and a leg."

In the Spiritual Mosh pit

"Bounce! pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, bounce!"

"I said no more teabags Larry! If I get caught doing it one more time, Mr. Wayne's gonna' fire my ass!"

"For the last time, no sex in the champagne room!"

Well I hope you all enjoyed these little bits of heaven, because I sure had fun making 'em.

Have a good weekend people.