Run and tweet that!

So I was thinking of a topic to blog about, and then it hit me; talk about Twitter.
Ah yes Twitter. That so-called socially relevant tool that millions of people use everyday to tweet to all their friends and anyone else interested in their boring lives such monumental acts such as what he or she had for breakfast that day, if they took a shit, and how big it was, or whether or not, in a woman's case, if they finally got their period. Trust me folks, when it comes to the most mundane topics you could possibly write about, that's what Twitter's become. Even famous people's tweets about what they do during the day is deemed "news-worthy." God only knows what the hell superheroes and their foes would tweet about!

E-baying used deathrays?  Trading aerial sex positions? Lonely, bored millionaire playboys looking for a companion, ugh I mean 'sidekick'. Whatever.

So here's my stab at Twitter, featuring fellow Teen Titans alumni, Robin and Red Arrow.


Enjoy!

Red Arrow: "Hey Dick, nice Twitter page.......you dick! Ha ha! I mean isn't that what you do anyways? You know since you're a Robin and all?

Robin: "Gee Roy, a bird joke. Never heard that one before. I guess it's a good thing that we're all not exactly like what we named after right?

Red Arrow: "Huh?"

Robin: "Take you for example: Your old name was Speedy. Now if you were to break down why you'd call yourself that, then that would mean you either  a). run really fast, which you don't, except you think you do when you're on drugs. b), You're an unrepentant IV drug user, or c). You prematurely ejaculate. Does any of that sound familiar?"

Red Arrow: "Very funny Dick. But it's like Meatloaf said, "two out of three ain't bad."

I'll tell Layne Staley and Kurt Cobain you said high. Get it? High? Ha ha!"

Robin: "Groins."

Wanna' see the twitter war that started this who thing? I bet you do.

I swear its real!

Finally, here's the inspiration to the title of his post.

Basically, there was video taken of a news crew interviewing one Antoine Dodson. You know, the guy who was auto-tuned to death, and turned an assault into cash flow. Nice.

Give it up for Mr. Antoine Dodson!

See, I told you I loved you!

Short-Shots 2:Attack of the Son of Short-Shot....

Hey People,
having a bitch of a time with my internet, so excuse the delays.

I've had a hell of a weekend, and not the good kind of hell either! I won't bore you guys with the details, because if you wanted to hear/read someone moping about how unfair life is, you'd simply listen to an emo music channel or something. Suffice to say, life isn't and leave it at that.

Someone said "Life is a shit sandwich sometimes, and we all have to take a big bite and swallow." Truer words have never been spoken.

But enough with all that, you came here for the funny(I hope), so let's get to it.

The 1st short skit features the two Batmen I have, the Detective version, and the GA version. I've been wanting to do this particular skit for awhile, but just now got off my lazy ass to make it. Enjoy.

Batman: "Time for bed young man. You have to hit the books hard in the morning, plus your early morning workout."

Robin: "Awwww, but Bruuuce. I don't want to go to bed early. I think I'm old enough to stay up to 10:00pm now, don't you think?"

Batman: "You heard me Dick. Time for bed."

Robin: "Gosh darnnit! Green Arrow lets Roy stay up late."

Batman: "And that's why Roy's doing so well now as a drooling, drugged-up idiot."

Robin: "You're a drooling idiot!"

Batman: "What was that?"

Robin: "Nothing"

GA Batman: "Bruce, it's way past your bedtime young man. "

Batman: "Awwww, but daaaaaad. You said I could stay up late tonight!"

GA Batman: "No buts young man, or else I'll spank yours. Off to bed with you now."

Robin: "Ha ha. You have to go to bed early too."

Batman: "Shut it Dick!"

And finally, here's a skit Dan can get behind, mostly because it's filled with his two favorite fellow Aussies:

Captain Boomerang: "Oi ya' wallaby-lovin', fire-startin' Billy. How the hell are ya'?"

Pyro: "Well if it isn't my favorite bludgerin' bluey? How are ya' ya' damn bogan you? Going to chuck a sickie are ya?"

-Now Imagine furbies, but speaking Austrailan. Yes, it's still gibberish you can't understand. But it's worse. It's with an accent. That's these two.

Cap'n Boomerang: "Come on ya' cockie, let's go out for a coldie."

Pyro: "Can we go to the nearby Outback Steakhouse you reckon?"

Cap'n Boomerang: "Now why would wanna' go to that piss-poor place you silly dag you? They ain't even a proper dinkin Australian restaurant."

Pyro: "I know. That's why I want to go there and burn the whole place to the ground, right along with all those stupid bloody gits! I'll cock a fat watching those bloody yanks burn to death. Well that and the bloomin onion. Amazing appetizer it is."

Cap'n Boomerang: "That's what I like about you Pyro ya' crazy dunny rat. You're always good for a laugh. But now that you mention it, a bloomin' onion and a right mug of Fosters' is right what the doctor ordered."

Both men singing at the same time:

"We come from the land down under. Where women glow and men plunder? 

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? 
You better run, you better take cover." 

And no, I didn't cock a fat when I thought of you Dan. Damn you Aussies have some weird fucking slang! I swear man......

"You're so Gay you don't even know it"

Extra, Extra! Fresh off the press. My response to the DC super-hero hetero/homo switch controversy. Now that was a mouthful. Get it? Wink, wink, say no more.

A quick disclaimer is on order though. While I am heavily ridiculing DC for this ridiculous way of drumming up support for slumping sales and bad press due to their mistreatment of Alan Moore, I am not ridiculing or making fun of Gays/Homosexuals. They as a people/minority group and American citizens, deserve the same respect and support that anyone else in the US and aboard deserves. They're people too, and shouldn't be hated on due to something as small as sexual preference. Besides I have a very good gay friend who'd be pissed if I did.(Hey Jake!)
Well two, if you count Shlomo Ben, but I digress.

Alright on with the show.

Robin: "Holy Dilema ! DC's going to make some prominent super-hero who was straight,and make them Gay. Man, I hope it's not me!"

Robin: "Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but I just can't stand being turned into a cliche' just for the sake of controversy. I mean, it's bad enough to have to put up with the "Batman and Robin are gay"jokes all year-round, but to actually have it possibly made true is more than I can take!"

Obsidian: "Hey there Mary! How's my favorite crime-fighting fairy doing?" Grabs Robin's ass.

Robin: "Would you quit it? It's bad enough I got to deal with the gay jokes, but I don't need to be sexually-harassed too!"

Obsidian: "Touchy, touchy. What's got your panties in a twist? Trouble at home with the old ball and chain? Ha ha!"

Robin: "Haven't you read? DC's making one of us gay. They won't say who, but I have a bad feeling it's going to be me."

Obsidian: "So what if they do? Would that be the worst thing in the world? Personally I'd love to see more pitch-hitters in the DCU. I mean, just because I'm butch doesn't mean I can't kick somebody's ass and look fierce doing it."

Robin: "I guess so but still.....

Obsidian: "I mean look at all the gay antics you and the old man have been into all these years. And for time's sake I'm not even going to mention the boners the Joker's tried giving you and Batman back in the day.(It's true kids. Go to Superdickery.com for quick photo evidence.) Let's have a quick looksee shall we....."

Robin: "Sob. Oh god could it be true? Could I really be gay all this time? What will Batman say?"

Obsidian" No offense Mary, but you're name is Dick sooooooo...."

Batman: "Robin! The Bat-pole won't grease itself. Now hop to it lad, The Riddler's escaped Arkham again, and we need to go kick his ass again for the 50,000th time."

Obsidian: "What was that about being a cliche'? I guess someone's in for a long night."

Robin: "Grrr! Shut up Todd!"

Speaking of Gay, here's one for you Shlomo, way to represent your people man. Hang in there bro. Ha!

 And here's some other funny pics I found on the web:

                       And this is what Batman and Robin would look like if they were real and really gay.

Awwwwwww! Don't they look like a nice, sweet couple?

"He's got legs...and he knows how to use them"

Normally I would've waited until Monday to post this, but what the fuck, I was feeling bored and antsy(who says antsy anymore?). I've been working like a mad scientist on getting enough quality pics to fit the skits I've already written down I just hadn't gotten the pics to go along with them. Problem solved for about 85 to 90% of them. But don't worry faithful viewers because I have at least a week or two of skits(if I space them out right) worth of material already edited and ready to go.

Whew, that was a mouthful.

Alright, enough with the boring speech and on with the show:

*On a side note, nice title huh? You'll soon see why I picked the altered title based off a ZZ Top song, "She's got legs." And of course, you'll finally see the skit where I got those funky pics from for Thursday's post.

Trigon: "Sign"

Robin: "Trigon? What the heck happened to you?"

Trigon: "Go away, I don't want to talk about it okay?"

                Robin: "But you're missing an arm, and hey, those aren't your legs! What gives?"

                  Trigon: "Gee, nothing gets past you does it Nancy Drew?"

Robin: "Hey, there's no reason to be such a grouch about it."

Trigon: "Sorry, you're right. It's just that the asshole who bought me couldn't be bothered to buy the rest of the figures required to finish building me, thus explaining why I look such a hot mess, as you kids say."

*Side note: If Trigon happens to have a credit card handy, I'll be more than happy to finish him off(that didn't sound right).Until then he should be grateful he's not like the rest of the unfinished C&C's that can't even bitch or moan about their current situation. Thank you.

Robin: "Man that really sucks!"

Trigon: "Yeah, no shit sherlock! And to make things worse, there's no spare arms around that fit since they're all lefties. But at least I have legs."

Robin: "Hey, aren't those the Anti-Monitor's legs?"

Trigon: "Yeah, but I miss my own legs. For some weird reason I have an insatiable craving for whole worlds and multiverses. Crazy shit I tell you, and that's coming from someone who looks like the Devil and Bambi's dad fucked and out came me."

Robin: "That...that...just blew my mind and wrecked my childhood memories of Bambi all in one shot. Gee, thanks."

Fun With Pictures

Hey folks and welcome to an  unveiling of  a new disaster piece.
Before the new official sketch based off these pictures gets its proper debut, I was feeling suddenly creative(wasted) and started messing around with the aforementioned pics, and then this stuff came out.

You are forewarned to the sick sorts of test photos that emerged from this creative session.
So don't blame me if you happen to piss, shit, or spew liquids from your bodies while looking at these.

Enough with the court-mandated warning, and on to the show, Fun With Pictures WTF!? Edition:

"You know, Skid Row was right; It really is just wasting time."

"Just, just dance, it'll be okay. Spin that record baby, and just dance."

"Did you bring the condoms this time?"

"Whoops, sorry."

"Fill my eyes, with that double vision. There's no disguise, for that double vision."

"You got my money bitch? You have enough money to buy a fake mustache, but you can't pay me back my money?"

"Kind of bright in here isn't it?"

"No, seems fine in here to me."

"I tried to get you your half of everything Bob, but your ex-wife's lawyer is a real bitch! She really did want an arm and a leg."

In the Spiritual Mosh pit

"Bounce! pogo, pogo, pogo, pogo, bounce!"

"I said no more teabags Larry! If I get caught doing it one more time, Mr. Wayne's gonna' fire my ass!"

"For the last time, no sex in the champagne room!"

Well I hope you all enjoyed these little bits of heaven, because I sure had fun making 'em.

Have a good weekend people.