"How to catch a Punisher"

Fresh off the presses, is a short one, but a funny one(I hope) today people.

I was thinking, as I usually do, about what topic or joke I'm going to create a skit around, and then it hit me: "How to catch a predator." And from there the ball kept rolling.

Enjoy!

-The Punisher looks at Kamandi, noticing the boy holding enough guns to make him an honorary junior NRA member.

The Punisher: "I hear ya. Sometimes its just one of those days you know?"

Kamandi: "What?"

The Punisher: "Yeah, just one of those days where you absolutely, positively want to blow every motherfucker in the room away. I hear ya' kid. I get those days too."

Kamandi: "Uh, are you hitting on me? Because I know Chris Hansen man."

Punisher: "Hey I'm no filthy pedophile, I'm just admiring a nice young man like yourself holding a lot of firepower and looking like he just escaped from the planet of the apes or something is all."

Kamandi: "Yeah, I'm going to ease on out real slow, so no funny business mister!"

Later on that day.....

And here's some Chris Hansen joke pics I found on the 'net:

Nice.

I was big fan of the show when it was on, as I loved to see the hapless fools get lured in and exposed for the pathetic perverts they were. And good god were there plenty of those!

Rabbi's, Cops, and Truckers oh my!

And they'd all swear the same thing; "I wasn't going to have sex with him/her. I just wanted to talk."

Awesome-sauce right there.

Too bad the show didn't last as long as I'd have liked. Why you my ask? Because, in the mother of all ironies, Chris Hansen was caught in a sting by the National Enquirer cheating on his wife. And that's not all...nope dear Mr. Hansen also sexted his new paramour, costing him his marriage, and his job, seeing as how at the time he was supposed to be the new head anchor of Dateline. Not after that scandal broke he wasn't. Thus why no more Chris Hansen, and no more To Catch A Predator. 

Nice Hansen. Real nice.

Finally, I'll leave you to watch some funny moments from the show:

And this one of a guy with Cerbal Palsy trying to score with a 13 year-old.

"I can't get no Bat-isfaction!"

Hey people,
I don't why, but that title sure sounds familiar you know:) Kinda' catchy.

So we're now in the Summer months homestretch, as July makes way for August, and the sounds of loud children on their way to school will soon be heard echoing throughout the streets.

Personally I can't wait for Fall, as this fucking heat is unbearable! And that's with air-conditioning.
Seriously, anybody tells you global-warming and the greenhouse effect isn't real, is full of shit!

So allow me to hopefully supply you guys with bit of  a distraction with yes, another bat-themed skit. What? You know you guys like 'em.

-Batman chases Catwoman throughout the streets of Gotham City.

Batman: "Here kitty, here kitty, here kitty, here kittaaaaaay! I tawt I saw I puddy tat!"

Catwoman: "Really Bruce? Here kitty, kitty? What, did you just now discover the 69 Boyz or something? Bruce, that song hasn't been cool since 1995!"

Batman: "Why must I be like that? Why must I chase the cat? Nothing but the bat in meee!"

Catwoman: "*Sigh* And to think......I was actually going to sleep with him. Stupid Selina."

Batman: "Meowww, woff, woff!"

Damn! Maybe Batman is wound too tight these days.

And how was your weekend?

Mine was pretty good, and next two are going to be even better me, as this weekend(Saturday to be exact) marks my 31st birthday. Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in, I'm old I know:(

So I'm heading up north for a father-son male bonding trip, and then the weekend after that, it's time to visit Heroes and Dragons; my not-so local comic shop. Good times I tell ya'.

And as always, I always face a dilemma; buy a shit-load of cheap back issue for my collection, or blow all my money on action figures. And yes, as of late, the action figures win. Trust me, it's a sickness. But like a junkie who doesn't want to be cured, I gladly go back for more. Crazy I tell yeah, crazy.

Of course things are a bit dry action figure-wise where I'm at, as the 2 Marvel Legends waves have long since come and gone, and won't be re-stocked with new waves until September. Well that's what they say, but who knows when I'll actually see them here.

All I know is that I'm psyched for the new ML US Agent figure coming out in this new upcoming wave. Fucking sweet!

And as is tradition here, I'll leave you folks with something to dance to. Yes it's time for a little Kitty, kitty action with those 69 Boyz!

Good times. Good times:)

"Cat Scratch Fever"

Well folks this is it; today's my 200th post. Oh don't worry, it's not that big of a deal, as Dan does 200 posts a day on his aussie head, so no big  whoop there. I will say I am glad and a little pleased with myself for having stuck with this for so long. As I've mentioned before, I have creative ADD, so that means being amused with one project, getting bored, and then moving on to something else. Commitment issues much? Not in the relationship department, but creatively, yes, very much so.

Anyhoo, here's my 200th post named after one of my favorite Ted Nugent songs, "Cat Scratch Fever."

Catman: "Hey pretty kitty, it is still considered bestiality if we do it with or cat-suits on?"

Cheetah: "How the hell should I know? This isn't a costume, this is my real skin you jack-ass! You're thinking of the other Cheetah."

Catman: "Oh yeah....Grandma Cheetah. Ehh, and no!"

Catman: "Sooo, you free tonight?"

Cheetah: "Seriously? After not even knowing this is my real skin, you want to go out with me?"

Catman: "Pretty much, yeah."

Cheetah: "Fuck it! I did "Snapper" Carr, so this can't be that bad. Take me home daddy, I'm all yours tonight!"

Catman: "Hell yeah!"

Catman: "Oh yeah, ummm. Wait what the hell's that? Is that kitty litter? Fuck it, I'm hardcore!"

Cheetah: "Umm hmm, that's right fucker, pull my tail!

Cheetah: "Aww, yeah, yeah, that's the spot. Pull me tail harder you son of a bitch!"

          Catman: "Ye-ahhh! Damn you're hot tonight baby! I'll pull that tail all night long, I don't give a fuck! Damn you're a dirty girl!"

   Dex-Star: "Oh hey guys have you seen------Whaaaaaat!? Inter-Species Erotica!? Harugphmprh!"

             Catman: "You can watch all you want, but you are not getting in on this, capeice?
        I don't care what Lady Gaga says, it is gay on a three-way.....unless it's two chicks, then it's                    okay."

Ha ha! As a friendly reminder, always remember to have your pets spayed or neutered.......

Take us out Uncle Ted.........

"He really creeps me out"

So how was your 4th of July? Good? Bad? Turrible?(terrible in Cleveland speak)

Well fear not, because I have a brand-spanking new skit to wash down yesterday's festivities.
So sit back and relax, and enjoy your holiday hangover helper.

Enjoy!

Hawk: "Hey Dove, have you seen the Creeper around lately?"

Dove: "Uh yeah. The last time I saw him, he was riding around on a bicycle screaming and meowing at random squirrels he saw just to mess with them. The whole thing's pretty funny if you see it."

Hawk: "What!? I knew the Creeper was crazy, but that's just fucking sick!"

Dawn: "Nawww, he's harmless. In fact in his own warped way he's just a sweetheart.

Hey, there he is now! He sure looks like he's having a good time"

Hawk: "Okay first that Deadguy, then that pathetic Jersey Shore-lookin' reject you met in that club, and I wouldn't even into get into depth about that tranny in Midway City, and now Creeper? You really, really need to re-think your choices in men. Seriously. Get help."

Dawn: "?"

Creeper: "Yahoo ya' motherfuckas! Hi-yah! Meowwwww! "

-Yeah this scene was influenced by Pee Wee Herman's 1st movie, Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

Creeper: "Aww, wook at that widdle one! I think I scared him to death.

Oh he's not dead he's only sleeping....or dancing, I can never be sure with little animals.

God I love being me! If I wasn't, I think I'd maybe be an anal-retentive crimefighter with a bat fetish, or maybe a deranged clown with Asperger's. Ha, ass-burger!

Ain't I just a Creepah?"

I don't know, are you?

Have a good weekend folks!

Flair for the gold

Welcome to the first post of the new month. I promise to put on a hell of a show for you today,
so enjoy

Speaking of fun, you recognize this commercial?

Yeah I know, I know. God bless him though, as he's still going, living like it's 1986 and he's on top of the world. Of course if it really was 1986 again, that still wouldn't be enough time to for him to save up money to pay off  the millions.....and millions, he owes the in back taxes to the IRS. Sad but true.

Anyways, as is the custom here at the House of Fun, I parody the shit out these unintentionally funny commercials as only I can.

I dare you not to laugh.......

Trigon: "Whew! Man, looking for my other arm and leg is really taking a lot out of me. I need to drink some blood quick, or sacrifice some of those delightful crack babies everyone's raving about, because I am tired."

Things look bleak for Trigon until all of a sudden......

WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Ric Flair(God): "Woooooo! The souls of those poor little crack babies wouldn't drain themselves. Here, why don't you drink this energy shot and get that blood and demonic energy pumping again. It really puts the wooooooo! in my WOOOOOO!

Don't forget to to spay and neuter your kids! Wooooooo!"

Trigon: "I don't know what the hell that was all about, but now I'll be able to find the rest of me and conquer this pitiful planet and all its dimensions in no time. Thank you Ric Flair. You lovable broke bastard! Wooo indeed ."

Elsewhere we find.......

Iron Man: "Hic', Uh, uh, Harmpfhhfh! Oh, oh God! That was worse than the last one! G**damn Matt Fraction for costing me my hard-fought sobriety and making me a stinking drunk again! I swear, when I find him I'm going to repulsor blast his fucking face right off! Hurmph! 

Oh, uh, I think it just came out of both ends! Rhodey! Rhodey! Come quick and clean me up. I just had an accident in my suit. Oh, god the smell...."

And then all of a sudden.....

WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Iron Man: "Oh no!"

Ric Flair: "Wooooo! Hello Tony. Looks like you're in need of a serious pick me up champ."

Iron Man: "Oh Steve Jobs no! Not you again! Last time we partied together, you out drank me and stole all the women."

-It's true kids he did!

Ric Flair: "Here, drink my new and improved energy shot. One drink of my energy shot, and you'll be back to pounding those drinks hard , and pounding the women even harder. Wooooooo!"

Iron Man: "Well, fuck it! It's not like my day can get any worse right? Wait what was that? Reboot in the MU? Bendis leaving the Avengers? Noooooooooo!"

Elsewhere again......

Red Arrow: "Ughh man! I'm so wiped out from that last 48 hour Heroin binge while watching that Young Justice marathon, that I don't have enough energy left in me to shot up my last batch."

Then suddenly......

Wooooooooo!

Red Arrow: "Whaa!?"

Ric Flair: "Wooooo!  What's the matter little Brother, got Iced again? 

Red Arrow: "Uh yeah, you can say that."

Ric Flair: "Well don't worry, because the 16! 16! 16! 16! 16 time World Heavyweight champion of the world has got just the energy shot for you. After drinking a shot of this, you'll be ready to get back on the horse again. Woooooo!

Red Arrow: "Wow Ric Flair, thanks!"

Ric Flair: "That's right. Drink Ric Flair's energy shot. It puts the woooooo! in my Wooooooo!

Did I ever tell you how me and the 4 Horsemen used to party all night and party a little longer? Woooo! It's true brother."

Red Arrow: "Wait, you and 3 other guys used to do Heroine so much you named yourselves after it? Fuckin' Sweeeeet!"

Red Arrow: "Huh, what!? What the hell just happened? Oh man, I think I just hallucinated that Ric Flair was here. That's weird. Oh well, thanks to that little nap, I can get back to doing what I do best: Shooting......Heroin. Ha, you though I was gonna' say arrows huh? Suckers."

The WOOOOOOOOO! End.

Hulk Love Kitty

Whew! Can't believe it's almost the end of the month already. Where the hell does the time go?

Speaking of time, it's time for a short skit involving the Hulk and Cheetah, as I attempt to answer what the Hulk does when he's lonely.

Enjoy!

Hulk-Grundy: "Here Kitty, kitty. Hulk-Grundy like nice kitty."

Cheetah: "Oh God, here we go again! Ahem, This is the 3rd time this week, aren't you tired of me yet handsome?"

Hulk-Grundy: "Haw, haw. No, Hulk-Grundy like nice kitty. Hulk-Grundy want to pet nice kitty again and again until she purrs."

Cheetah: "Pet me, pay me! Let's see some cash, and I'll let you pet my ass got it?"

Hulk-Grundy: "Sigh. Okay, Hulk-Grundy broke, but Hulk-Grundy go find ATM now. Nice Kitty stay here and Hulk-Grundy be right back."

Cheetah: "You'd better or no petting, and no making me purr! Now hurry up and go make Kitty happy."

Cheetah: "Wow! Solomon Grundy sure has gotten a lot dumber lately, even for him. And why is he calling himself Hulk-Grundy?"

Extra Scene:

Hulk-Grundy: "Can pretty kitty make change for a $20?"

Cheetah: "Can I what!? What type of girl do you think I am you cheap bastard? Come back when you have more money to spend on me than a lousy 20 bucks!"

Cheetah: "I swear to God if he wasn't so hung, I'd stay away from the big dumb retard!"

Just.....damn!

It's like they say,"Pimpin' ain't easy", and nether is whoring obviously.

In Sinestro we trust

Just a quick one today folks. Well a quick one for me, anyways:

Hal: "Ugh my aching head! Uh, the that's the last time I let Guy talk me into going shot for shot with Tony Stark for awhile. Damn, that man's an animal! He's not even human! Uh, even with one of the most powerful weapons in the universe on my hand, and I still can't fix my hangover."

Sinestro: "Hello Jordan. What's your problem this time?"

Hal: "Oh great, it's you! I don't have time for your shit right now, so come back later when my headache's gone."

Sinestro: "Hangover again? How predictable Jordan. Here, use this."

Hal: "What in the hell is that?"

Sinestro: "It's an old Korugarian device that's great for curing headaches, hangovers and small amounts of brain damage. So it'll cure your hangover, but not your stupidity."

Hal: "Fuck you Sinestro."

Sinestro: "It was good enough for Abin Sur."

Hal: "What, really!? Well....if it was okay for Abin Sur, then okay. Thanks Sinestro. I guess you're not that bad after all."

Sinestro: "Ha ha haha! Fool! I can't believe he fell for that "If it was good enough for Abin Sur"line. That idiot has no idea I just placed a living virus on his head. Ha ha, priceless."

Hal: "Damn Sinestro was right! I feel a lot better now."

John Stewart: "Hey Hal I--, what the hell!? Hal you got Despotellis the living virus on your head!"

Hal: What!? Arrgh! But I thought? Sinestro!!!!!!"

Yeah that funny little guy is kind of neat. It was bitch trying to keep him on Hal's head though, since even with scotch tape he still kept slipping and sliding off.

Short-Shots 2:Attack of the Son of Short-Shot....

Hey People,
having a bitch of a time with my internet, so excuse the delays.

I've had a hell of a weekend, and not the good kind of hell either! I won't bore you guys with the details, because if you wanted to hear/read someone moping about how unfair life is, you'd simply listen to an emo music channel or something. Suffice to say, life isn't and leave it at that.

Someone said "Life is a shit sandwich sometimes, and we all have to take a big bite and swallow." Truer words have never been spoken.

But enough with all that, you came here for the funny(I hope), so let's get to it.

The 1st short skit features the two Batmen I have, the Detective version, and the GA version. I've been wanting to do this particular skit for awhile, but just now got off my lazy ass to make it. Enjoy.

Batman: "Time for bed young man. You have to hit the books hard in the morning, plus your early morning workout."

Robin: "Awwww, but Bruuuce. I don't want to go to bed early. I think I'm old enough to stay up to 10:00pm now, don't you think?"

Batman: "You heard me Dick. Time for bed."

Robin: "Gosh darnnit! Green Arrow lets Roy stay up late."

Batman: "And that's why Roy's doing so well now as a drooling, drugged-up idiot."

Robin: "You're a drooling idiot!"

Batman: "What was that?"

Robin: "Nothing"

GA Batman: "Bruce, it's way past your bedtime young man. "

Batman: "Awwww, but daaaaaad. You said I could stay up late tonight!"

GA Batman: "No buts young man, or else I'll spank yours. Off to bed with you now."

Robin: "Ha ha. You have to go to bed early too."

Batman: "Shut it Dick!"

And finally, here's a skit Dan can get behind, mostly because it's filled with his two favorite fellow Aussies:

Captain Boomerang: "Oi ya' wallaby-lovin', fire-startin' Billy. How the hell are ya'?"

Pyro: "Well if it isn't my favorite bludgerin' bluey? How are ya' ya' damn bogan you? Going to chuck a sickie are ya?"

-Now Imagine furbies, but speaking Austrailan. Yes, it's still gibberish you can't understand. But it's worse. It's with an accent. That's these two.

Cap'n Boomerang: "Come on ya' cockie, let's go out for a coldie."

Pyro: "Can we go to the nearby Outback Steakhouse you reckon?"

Cap'n Boomerang: "Now why would wanna' go to that piss-poor place you silly dag you? They ain't even a proper dinkin Australian restaurant."

Pyro: "I know. That's why I want to go there and burn the whole place to the ground, right along with all those stupid bloody gits! I'll cock a fat watching those bloody yanks burn to death. Well that and the bloomin onion. Amazing appetizer it is."

Cap'n Boomerang: "That's what I like about you Pyro ya' crazy dunny rat. You're always good for a laugh. But now that you mention it, a bloomin' onion and a right mug of Fosters' is right what the doctor ordered."

Both men singing at the same time:

"We come from the land down under. Where women glow and men plunder? 

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? 
You better run, you better take cover." 

And no, I didn't cock a fat when I thought of you Dan. Damn you Aussies have some weird fucking slang! I swear man......