Here's a short one today, but I think you guys will appreciate it just the same. And yes, it's definitely a play off the title, but it doesn't involve who you think it does.......unless your sick and smart:)
The Thing: "Hey Ladies! See something you like? 'Cause I'm aimin' to git my rocks off, haw haw!"
The ladies are stunned into silence, but can't turn away from the shocking sight!
Zatanna: "So that's why they call him The Thing!"
Cheetah: "My god! It looks like a big bowl of fruity pebbles!"
The ever lovin' end.
And here's a bonus variant "cover" of sorts for this skit:
Also on unrelated note, yesterday was my favorite Beatles' birthday!
Yes, Sir Paul Mccartney turned 70 yrs young, so wish him well. Happy Belated birthday Sir Paul!.
This is dedicated to one little lady(and you know who you are)
Captain Cold: "Ha ha ha ha! Now that you hapless fools are on ice, and lightened of your load of money, I'll be on my way before some pompious do-gooder happens by."
Random Victim: "Ugh! Help us, somebody. I can't feel my legs and there's a kid trapped in ice under here."
Captain Cold: "Chill out asshole. I'm sure you'll be thawed out soon. Ha ha ha!"
Zatanna: "Ugh! I just wanna' get through this day. Great now what? I'm picking up a robbery in progress on the police scanner through the airwaves. And just when I needed to go pick of some Midol too."
Captain Cold: "Ah, Zatanna. About time one of you damn do-gooders showed up. So what's it gonna' be? Do I get my money or do these poor idiots live the rest of their disgusting lives as human popcicles?"
Zatanna: "Oh man! I really don't have time for this. Look, Aunt Flow just came to town, so can we just skip to the part where you surrender or I knock you out so I can go home?"
Captain Cold: "Wait, what!? You're on the rag? Riding the crimson wave? Swiming the blood canal?
Zatanna: "Yesss!"
Captain Cold: "So lemme' get this straight; One of the most powerful beings in the whole entire planet who can erase me out of existence with a backward word is on her period?"
Zatanna: "For the last time, yes! Wanna' make something of it?"
Captain Cold: "Okay, I surrender. I didn't really need the dough anyway. Just going to waste it on some hookers later anyways."
Zatanna: "Yeah, I really don't need to hear about your dysfunctional love-life."
Captain Cold: "You want to me to get you some cranberry juice? I can make it into an icee?"
Zatanna: "Grrrrrr!"
Random Victim: "Hey! What the fuck guys!? Human popsicles over here. Hey, howzabout getting us outta' here? C'mon, my nuts are fucking frozen over here. My balls feel like a bag of frozen peas for fuck's sake! 'Sign' I knew I shouldn't have gone to work today."
The End
Extras/Bonus:
Captain Cold: "It's your turn to pull me on the sleigh mommy. Now do it!"
Zatanna: "'Sigh' I should've just got that abortion like the doctor recommended."
Here it is folks, the moment you've all been waiting for(or not), it is now time for the other shoe to drop......
-Previously, Five strangers were randomly chosen by an unknown entity and transported to various locations foreign to the person involved. Not only did they find themselves in different locations from the ones they began their days in, but they were also surprised and astonished to find they were each in different bodies as well. Who could possibly have the power to alter such lives? Why? And what could possibly be next for our heroic five?
-The scene is set, and you awaken to realize you're not where you think you were, nor do you look like who you think you are. You're Dan, and you're day has just gotten very weird indeed......
Act Four: Dingo ate my boomerang!
Dan: (looks at himself)"Oy! What's this? Where am I? Oy! Come on. Seriously mate? Just 'cause I'm an Aussie doesn't mean I have to be bleedin' Cap'n Boomerang! Bloody racist! Just for this, I'm sending an army of angry kiwis after you ya' bloody arvo!"
-Yes Dan, I know Arvo means eveing. I just like the way it sounds. Sue me.
"Well, no sense in taking a lie down when I can go for a walkabout. Damn this bush is rough! reminds me of an old girlfriend of mine. And her mum. Ugh! Lucky for me, or whoever dropped me off here, I have a razor-boomerang on me. Christ! This is harder to get through than reading a skit by Mr. Morbid."
"Hold on, what's this? Who the bloody hell are you?"
Random Native: "Oy! I'm the person who bloody lives here. Who in the piss are you, you bloody bludger? Can't a girl use her dunny in privacy?"
Dan: "I don't care what you do you cow, I just want to know how I got here, wherever here is."
"As for who I am, I'm Cap-Dan, and I'm the one with this giant machete, which I somehow mysteriously have on me all of a sudden. Christ mate, it's called natural story progression. Look into it sometime eh?
Random Native: "You better rack off before I hurt you with my knife!"
Dan: "That's not a knife you silly galah, this is a knife! Now bugger off before I show you how bloody sharp this is, and then you'll be....you know, bloody."
Random Native: "Arhhhhhhh!"
Dan: "That oughta' do her straight. Good 'onya ya' moo cow! Now to find my bloody way out of this bloody mess, and find the bloke responsible for this balls-up affair. Damn! Never a Ute or a Tinnie when you need one. I suppose I could chuck a leftie round that hill there."
End of Act Four.
And elsewhere, in another part of the world we find the fifth stranger, Mr.Morbid.....
Act Five: I'm going through changes
Mr. Morbid: "Ughhh my aching head! I knew I shouldn't have had that last shot of Crown. Fuck me running!"
"Wait a minute, what the hell? Is that hair? That can't be I'm bald!(thanks evil genetics!)
Wait, this isn't my body! And why am I wearing short shorts? I'm not Daisy Duke. This is Mr. Morbid's House of Fun, not the Dukes of Hazzard! Oh shit, something's really wrong here."
"What the fuck man!? I know I wanted my hair back, but not like this! Not as Kamandi! C'mon, change me back into something else. Something cooler, like maybe a Green Lantern or something.
-A mysterious voice suddenly says "okay!"
POOF!
"Well, did it work? What am I now?"
"Alright! I'm a GL. Hell Yeah! Wait, wait a minute. Is that my head? Oh shit! I'm Maash! Fuck!"
"Not cool man, not cool! I have a giant turd for a head! There can be only one person or thing(for the sake of this story) responsible for this.....Bat-Mite! Damn you!!!!!!"
-Elsewhere we find......
Bat-Mite: "What, you were expecting maybe Bugs Bunny or Elmer Fudd? Nope just your friendly neighborhood elf from the 5th Dimension. Ain't I just a stinka!? HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
End of Act Five.
-Epilogue.....Deus Ex Machina
Zatanna: "Omega, good I've found you! There's no time to explain, but I got to free you and the others!"
Omega: "Hey pretty lady! You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day!"
Zatanna: "I don't have time for this. We have to leave now!"
Omega: "We can catch up with those losers later, but for now how about you rest for awhile. I got the duct tape and bottled water."
Zatanna: "But Bat-Mite..."
Omega: "Can wait sweet cheeks. This tiger's been caged up too long and wants to freak. ya' dig? Arroooooooo!"
Zatanna: "Sometimes I really hate my job!"
To be concluded.....
And that's that. Yes I will finish up the story later, but for now I think I'll just bask in the glow of my achievement.
Hey Dan, the researching Australian slang part was easy, but damn you guys talk funny! Ute? Tinnie? You cats are crazy! Love ya', mean it.
Finally, if you didn't already know, I'm a huge music fan, especially classic rock. Call me lazy, but I really love using titles of rock/music songs as titles for my skits, you know, in case you haven't already figured that out. So what song am I referencing here? NIN/Nine Inch Nails's "The four of us are dying." It's a really good instrumental track, that oddly enough could unofficially or officially be the the theme song to this story. Do yourself a favor and check it out here:
Have a good weekend guys, and hoped you enjoyed this humble little distraction I call a skit.
I enjoyed creating this thing almost as much as you guys probably had fun clicking off it. Ha!
For today's skit(and the last one of the week) I decided to make one up about the Bronze Tiger and the lovely Zatanna. Omega, this one's for you buddy! Enjoy!
Bronze Tiger: "I thought you said you liked doing it with my tiger mask on?"
Zatanna: "Yeah, but isn't that like, kinda bestiality? How fucked up is that?"
Bronze Tiger: "No it's not you dumb bitch, now get back to what you were doing with that ass-backwards tongue and magic wand of yours."
Zatanna: "I love it when you talk dirty to me!"
Bronze Tiger: "Did ever tell you about the time I kicked Batman's ass?"
Zatanna: "Yes you did baby. All the time."
Bronze Tiger: "Well good. I just thought it bears repeating is all."
EXTRAS/OUTTAKES:
Bronze Tiger: "Hey look. I'm giving myself head."
Bronze Tiger: "Ha ha! made you look you dirty birds!"
Bronze Tiger: "For the last time, the Black Panther is not my brother! We don't look anything alike."
Zatanna: "I'm just saying is all..."
Bronze Tiger: "Damn woman, that is straight up racist right there!"
Bronze Tiger: "No, I don't get how having sex with me is like fucking Tony the Tiger. I just don't see it!"
Zatanna: "It just does okay? Hey that's part of the attraction baby."
-That's me. I'm outta' here! Have a good weekend folks.
Hey folks, been awhile I know. I had a fun time at my not-so local comic book shop where I picked up a ton of good shit(and no I don't mean feces!)
I bought a few figures(as usual) on the cheap; namely an old ML Nick Fury, ML Namor(who I've wanted for years!) Face-Off Daredevil, and the gold variant of DCUC Captain Atom just because he was the the only DCUC Captain Atom there. What'cha gonna' do right?
Alright enough boring stuff about me, it's the skits you came to see, so let's get to it:
This skits titled "Beware the Creep(er)" and you'll see why.
Creeper: "Hey there you. Are you tired? because you've been running through my mind all day."
Zatanna: "Oh God! Like I haven't heard that line before from the Flash, or any other lame-ass with a hard on!"
Creeper: "Touchy, touchy, tooooouchy! Tell me something sweetness, I know you recite your spells backwards, does that apply to moving your tongue backwards too?"
Zatanna: "That does it! Now you've really pissed me off!"
Zatanna: "Mrofsnart eht Repeerc!"
Creeper: "yeah, like this'll fix me!(I'm being sarcastic just in case you didn't already know)"
Zatanna: "Oh you, you, you little creep!" Creeper: "That's CREEPER to you, and you know, this feels oddly familar. Oh well, giggity, giggity, giggity-goo!"
Zatanna: "Oh yeah? Well how about this!?"
Creeper: "Now that's what I'm talking about!"
Zatanna: "Ugh! Oh god what have I done?"
Creeper: "I don't want anybody else, when I think about Zatanna I tough myself ohhhhhh ohhhh!"
Scarred yet faithful readers? If not, there's always next week's exciting episode. Have a good one.
Yes, Sir Paul Mccartney turned 70 yrs young, so wish him well. Happy Belated birthday Sir Paul!.
