"Always bet on Black"

1st of the month mother-truckaaaaaaaaaaaas!
It's fun doing that. Oh the little pleasures we derive out of life, am I right?

Anyhoo, before I get to the main attraction, some quick shout-outs.

Two birthdays to celebrate today; one used to be fun to observe, and the other one is a new reason to celebrate the 1st of August, you know besides, it being....

courtesy of triggerandfreewheel.com

So birthday boy/entity numero uno, is MTV.

Ah yes MTV.
I've gone on a short rant before on the topic of MTV, and how far the concept and network have fallen since its golden days, a long, long time ago. So I won't go into all that again, but I will say this, it seems the network may have been ahead of the curve after all. How you say?
Well look at the programming they have on there; baby-mama drama, fist-pumping, alcohol-guzzling Guidos,   reboots of popular 80's movies, high school comedies, Jack-Ass rip-offs, and shows devoted to covering funny web blunders, you know, because there aren't enough of those types of shows already out there;(

It's the type of programming that's perfect for today's aggressively short-attention spanned teenager. Quite sad really.

And as I lamented before, the incredible lack of emphasis on what brought MTV to the dance in the first place: actual music! Well what passes for music these days, so don't ask me about that particular topic unless you want me to tell you when actual music was being made.

*SPOILER ALERT*

....It was before you were born!
Well maybe not Shlomo, but you get the point.

So yes, happy 31st birthday, MTV. You now largely irrelevant symbol of days long gone by.


And the other birthday?
Oh yeah, you know him as the host of his very own blog, and admitted collector of Barbie doll furniture(I think:)) Googum!

Yes our very own Big 'EMs aficionado turns.......IDK, but I probably won't want to know what it is in dog years:)

So do the big guy a favor and visit his blog, because frankly kids, he needs all the visitors he can get:)

I kid, I kid, He's doing fine.
So happy birthday Goo!

And now ladies and gentlemen, on to the main reason you come here, and I know its not the food:

"Always bet on black"

-Bronze Tiger walking along, minding his own business, when all of a sudden....

Spider-Man: "Hey, look who it is! Wow man, I've always been a big fan of your films."

Bronze Tiger: "Say what!?"

Spider-Man: "Yeah, I know you....you're Wesley Snipes. I loved Jungle Fever, Passenger 57, oh and all those Blade movies. If it wasn't for you, Marvel wouldn't be making so many kick-ass movies like it is now. Say, aren't you supposed to be in jail though? You know, for tax evasion?"

Bronze Tiger: "What!? What in the hell makes you think I'm Wesley Snipes? Oh you think just because I'm black and I know karate I just have to be Wesley Snipes then? That's just straight up racist man, damn!"


Spider-Man"Sorry man. It was an honest mistake."


Bronze Tiger(not Wesley Snipes): "Oh you're sorry now huh? You're gonna' be sorry in a minute after I kick your white, honkey-ass!"

Spider-Man: "Hey I'm not racist, honest to god! I have black friends, you know, like War Machine and Luke Cage."

Bronze Tiger: "Oh you think you're down because your friends with a poor-man's black Iron Man and Mr. Blackspolitation himself? That nigga' still thinks he's in the 70's, hanging out with his rich, crazy white friend with the Kung-Fu fetish and fucking green pajamas. Fuck that shit!"

Spider-Man: "Hey he's cool, I swear!"

                                Bronze Tiger: "Whatever cracker, I...wait a damn minute! That's not how I talk. I'm a respectable and well-educated man, not some puppet who has his strings pulled by some punk-ass puppet master."

-Both men look at the viewer/Puppet-Master.

Bronze Tiger: "Yeah, that explains everything. The hell with being played like this, I'm outta' here. And if I ever catch you manipulating me again, I'm gonna' show you why you always bet on black!"

Bronze Tiger: "Damn! he did it again!"

Spider-Man: "It happens." Shrugs shoulder

I know somewhere out there, Omega's just nodding his head, going "Right On!", and "Now why didn't I think of that?"

And on that note, here's a birthday dedication to all you lucky birthday boys and girls out there. Sing us out Stevie!

Peace folks!

Suicidal Tendencies

Hey People.

*Yeah this post is a day late, and I totally blame that on my piss-poor Wi-Fi connection and slow uploading of these scans. But I fixed the size of the scans, and bought a router, so......so far, so good.


I figured today would be a very Suicide Squad-themed post today, since I am a big fan of the Ostrander written series, and I haven't done too many SS-flavored skits or anything else SS related as of late.

Now if you go over to Shlomo's SS blog, specifically the comment section, then you'll quickly get a feel for how much of a fan of the SS I am.(and no not the Nazi SS you smartasses:))

Between me, Shlomo, and Omega, the comments section can get veeeeery heated when it comes to the topic of the current Suicide Squad title currently being published by Didio Comics. Trust me when I say that it's a horrible book that would be cancelled tomorrow if and when Harley Quinn ever leaves the title. She's probably the main thing keeping it from the chopping block, because the quality of writing, rebooted cast of characters, and their personalities sure as hell isn't.

But I digress.

This is a happy post, so we're going to keep things that way, as I happily present to you scans I just made today from Wizard#192. Why this particular issue you might ask?

Well, it features a short, but very enjoyable Wizard Retrospective on John Ostrander's entire Suicide Squad run, as well as input and commentary by the other contributing creative members of the SS team.

Not only did I personally enjoy the article, but also learned a lot as far as insight and the kinds of thought processes and brain-storming that went on in putting these issues together. I view it as a behind the scenes look at how Suicide Squad was made. Really good stuff there folks.

So, Shlomo, Omega, ask and you shall receive good buddies. Enjoy!

Nice huh? I told you it was.

And now for some thoughts from some of the crew of Ostrander's SS themselves. Gentlemen?

Captain Boomerang: "Oy, those were the good ol' days, they were. Makes my John Thomas hard just thinking 'bout puttin' one of my boomerangs through some tosser's head, while pissing off the Wall. Ha!"

Deadshot:"......Yeah whatever. I guess sometimes it was alright. Like when I killed that useless windbag Senator Cray. The look on Waller's and Flagg's faces when I put one through his head was priceless. Especially when parts of his brain landed onto the faces of the press."

Bronze Tiger: "You mother-fuckers are crazy, and need some serious fucking help!"

Captain Boomerang: "Oh come of it Tony the bleedin' Tiger; You're just as bad, if not worse than us. You just don't have the balls to admit it."

Deadshot: "Speaking of balls, you must of accidently found yours by daring to show your traitorous face around me again. I didn't forget about the last time you betrayed me, and trust me that was the last time. Since you're reborn, I get the pleasure of shooting off your hands again along with that fucking mouth of yours."

Bronze Tiger: "Tony the Tiger huh? I'll show you a tiger you backwoods hick-ass mother-fucker!"

Captain Boomerang: "Now hold on a bloody second! There's no need to go crazy here. Let's all relax and go out for a piss. My treat."

Deadshot: "You never paid for anything in your whole stinking life! Enough talking, and more shooting!"

Bronze Tiger: "For once I agree with Dirty Harry over there; it's time to fuck up a mick!"

Captain Boomerang: "Have it your way ladies. But don't you go thinkin' ol' Digger's an easy sport. Let's do this then. Me pal Dan's keepin' the car warm, and the Foster's cold, so I'll have to make this quick like."

Deadshot: "The boomerang won't even leave your hand before I paint Turner's face with your blood!"

Bronze Tiger: "Oh fuck that! I'm taking both of you brain-dead freaks out now!"

-They all fight. Again. 

I guess somethings never change do they folks?

And finally to take us out, here's the punk band with the very same name as this post, Suicidal Tendencies, and their hit song "War inside my head!"

Very appropriate for what just happened I think.

Peace and chicken grease my Nizzels!

Short-Shots

Hey Peeps!

Well here we are, my 175th post, and the last one of the month. And what a month it's been hasn't it?
I was going to do some special skit to commemorate this happy occasion, and said to myself "Fuck it, I'll save the good stuff for my 200th post." Ha, ha. No, You know I only give you guys the best(well most of the time).

So without further ado-do, here's some short-shots:

Sinestros: "Red rover, red rover, let that Asshole, glory-hound Hal Jordan come over!"

Hals: "What the hell did you guys just call us? An asshole? We're not taking that from some pink, big-headed dick with a Hitler mustache. It's on like donkey-kong motha-trucka!"

Both: "Grrrrrr!"

Omega will love this next one.....

Bronze Tiger: "Everybody want to go Kung-Fu fighting..."

Iron Fist: "Hyah haw!"

Bronze Tiger: "Those guys were fast as lighting!"

Iron Fist: "Hyah haw!"

Both: "Oh oh oh hooooooooo!"

Iron Fist: "What? It was the 70's."

And finally, because you knew it was coming.....

Roy: "Hey Ollie, wanna' do me a solid and help me tie up? C'mon broski, I don't wanna' break my pussy finger."

Ollie: "Goddammit Roy! Again!?"

Ha ha! That's me, and I'm outta' here!

"The Five Of Us Are Dying" Part 2

Here it is folks,
the moment you've all been waiting for(or not), it is now time for the other shoe to drop......

-Previously, Five strangers were randomly chosen by an unknown entity and transported to various locations foreign to the person involved. Not only did they find themselves in different locations from the ones they began their days in, but they were also surprised and astonished to find they were each in different bodies as well.  Who could possibly have the power to alter such lives? Why? And what could possibly be next for our heroic five? 

-The scene is set, and you awaken to realize you're not where you think you were, nor do you look like who you think you are. You're Dan, and you're day has just gotten very weird indeed......

Act Four: Dingo ate my boomerang!

Dan: (looks at himself)"Oy! What's this? Where am I? Oy! Come on. Seriously mate? Just 'cause I'm an Aussie doesn't mean I have to be bleedin' Cap'n Boomerang! Bloody racist! Just for this, I'm sending an army of angry kiwis after you ya' bloody arvo!"

-Yes Dan, I know Arvo means eveing. I just like the way it sounds. Sue me.

"Well, no sense in taking a lie down when I can go for a walkabout. Damn this bush is rough! reminds me of an old girlfriend of mine. And her mum. Ugh! Lucky for me, or whoever dropped me off here, I have a razor-boomerang on me. Christ! This is harder to get through than reading a skit by Mr. Morbid."

"Hold on, what's this? Who the bloody hell are you?"

Random Native: "Oy! I'm the person who bloody lives here. Who in the piss are you, you bloody bludger? Can't a girl use her dunny in privacy?"

Dan: "I don't care what you do you cow, I just want to know how I got here, wherever here is."

"As for who I am, I'm Cap-Dan, and I'm the one with this giant machete, which I somehow mysteriously have on me all of a sudden. Christ mate, it's called natural story progression. Look into it sometime eh?

Random Native: "You better rack off before I hurt you with my knife!"

Dan: "That's not a knife you silly galah, this is a knife! Now bugger off before I show you how bloody sharp this is, and then you'll be....you know, bloody."

Random Native: "Arhhhhhhh!"

Dan: "That oughta' do her straight.  Good 'onya ya' moo cow! Now to find my bloody way out of this bloody mess, and find the bloke responsible for this balls-up affair. Damn! Never a Ute or a Tinnie when you need one. I suppose I could chuck a leftie round that hill there."

End of Act Four.

And elsewhere, in another part of the world we find the fifth stranger, Mr.Morbid.....

Act Five: I'm going through changes

Mr. Morbid: "Ughhh my aching head! I knew I shouldn't have had that last shot of Crown. Fuck me running!"

"Wait a minute, what the hell? Is that hair? That can't be I'm bald!(thanks evil genetics!)

Wait, this isn't my body! And why am I wearing short shorts? I'm not Daisy Duke. This is Mr. Morbid's House of Fun, not the Dukes of Hazzard! Oh shit, something's really wrong here."

"What the fuck man!? I know I wanted my hair back, but not like this!  Not as Kamandi! C'mon, change me back into something else. Something cooler, like maybe a Green Lantern or something.

-A mysterious voice suddenly says "okay!"

POOF!

"Well, did it work? What am I now?"

"Alright! I'm a GL. Hell Yeah! Wait, wait a minute. Is that my head? Oh shit! I'm Maash! Fuck!"

"Not cool man, not cool! I have a giant turd for a head! There can be only one person or thing(for the sake of this story) responsible for this.....Bat-Mite! Damn you!!!!!!"

-Elsewhere we find......

Bat-Mite: "What, you were expecting maybe Bugs Bunny or Elmer Fudd? Nope just your friendly neighborhood elf from the 5th Dimension. Ain't I just a stinka!? HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

End of Act Five.

-Epilogue.....Deus Ex Machina

Zatanna: "Omega, good I've found you! There's no time to explain, but I got to free you and the others!"

Omega: "Hey pretty lady! You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day!"

Zatanna: "I don't have time for this. We have to leave now!"

Omega: "We can catch up with those losers later, but for now how about you rest for awhile. I got the duct tape and bottled water."

Zatanna: "But Bat-Mite..."

Omega: "Can wait sweet cheeks. This tiger's been caged up too long and wants to freak. ya' dig? Arroooooooo!"

Zatanna: "Sometimes I really hate my job!"

To be concluded.....

And that's that. Yes I will finish up the story later, but for now I think I'll just bask in the glow of my achievement. 

Hey Dan, the researching Australian slang part was easy, but damn you guys talk funny! Ute? Tinnie? You cats are crazy! Love ya', mean it.

Finally, if you didn't already know, I'm a huge music fan, especially classic rock. Call me lazy, but I really love using titles of rock/music songs as titles for my skits, you know, in case you haven't already figured that out. So what song am I referencing here? NIN/Nine Inch Nails's "The four of us are dying." It's a really good instrumental track, that oddly enough could unofficially or officially be the the theme song to this story. Do yourself a favor and check it out here:

Have a good weekend guys, and hoped you enjoyed this humble little distraction I call a skit.

I enjoyed creating this thing almost as much as you guys probably had fun clicking off it. Ha! 

"It's Animotion!"

For today's skit(and the last one of the week) I decided to make one up about the Bronze Tiger and the lovely Zatanna. Omega, this one's for you buddy! Enjoy!

                          Bronze Tiger: "I thought you said you liked doing it with my tiger mask on?"

                          Zatanna: "Yeah, but isn't that like, kinda bestiality? How fucked up is that?"

Bronze Tiger: "No it's not you dumb bitch, now get back to what you were doing with that ass-backwards tongue and magic wand of yours."

    Zatanna: "I love it when you talk dirty to me!"

Bronze Tiger: "Did ever tell you about the time I kicked Batman's ass?"

Zatanna: "Yes you did baby. All the time."

Bronze Tiger: "Well good. I just thought it bears repeating is all."

EXTRAS/OUTTAKES:

Bronze Tiger: "Hey look. I'm giving myself head."

Bronze Tiger: "Ha ha! made you look you dirty birds!"

 Bronze Tiger: "For the last time, the Black Panther is not my brother! We don't look anything alike."

Zatanna: "I'm just saying is all..."

Bronze Tiger: "Damn woman, that is straight up racist right there!"

 Bronze Tiger: "No, I don't get how having sex with me is like fucking Tony the Tiger. I just don't see it!"

  Zatanna: "It just does okay? Hey that's part of the attraction baby."

-That's me. I'm outta' here! Have a good weekend folks.