Short-Shots

Hey Peeps!

Well here we are, my 175th post, and the last one of the month. And what a month it's been hasn't it?
I was going to do some special skit to commemorate this happy occasion, and said to myself "Fuck it, I'll save the good stuff for my 200th post." Ha, ha. No, You know I only give you guys the best(well most of the time).

So without further ado-do, here's some short-shots:

Sinestros: "Red rover, red rover, let that Asshole, glory-hound Hal Jordan come over!"

Hals: "What the hell did you guys just call us? An asshole? We're not taking that from some pink, big-headed dick with a Hitler mustache. It's on like donkey-kong motha-trucka!"

Both: "Grrrrrr!"

Omega will love this next one.....

Bronze Tiger: "Everybody want to go Kung-Fu fighting..."

Iron Fist: "Hyah haw!"

Bronze Tiger: "Those guys were fast as lighting!"

Iron Fist: "Hyah haw!"

Both: "Oh oh oh hooooooooo!"

Iron Fist: "What? It was the 70's."

And finally, because you knew it was coming.....

Roy: "Hey Ollie, wanna' do me a solid and help me tie up? C'mon broski, I don't wanna' break my pussy finger."

Ollie: "Goddammit Roy! Again!?"

Ha ha! That's me, and I'm outta' here!

"Hey Bungalow Bill, what did ya' kill?"

Wow. I can't believe I'm one more post from reaching 175 posts in all. Now of course to high-rollers like Dan, or guys doing this much longer than me, like Goo, 175's nothing. But to me, with the creative ADD of a meth addict, it's hard to stay interested in one thing for a decent amount of time. So yes, I'm officially patting myself on the back.

Alright enough of the self-high five/handjob, it's time for today's skit featuring one of Spider-Man's oldest and deadliest foes, Kraven the Hunter. Enjoy.

Bill: "Aww, there you are you beautiful horned, hunk of meat you!

I just can't wait to sink my teeth inta' your meat once I've gutted your sweet, sweet ass. I's gonna' git you in my sights and blow my load into yo' soft flesh."

Cows: "Moooooo!"

Bill: "Yes, that's right. Don't mind me girls. I'm just hear to SFES ya'all. There, that's a good dumb, sexy herd. Jus' eat that grass, before I blast ya' ass!"

Cows: "Moooo? Mooooooomooo!"

There's a rustling in the woods, startling Bill. 

Bill: "What the hell?"

Kraven: "Aww, greetings brightly-colored stranger. I am Kraven the hunter, and I have come to hunt."

Bill: "Well that's nice an' all, but I'm a hunter too, and right now I was in the middle of hunting, so if'n you don't mind...."

Kraven: "Nonsense. Since we are both hunters, I shall join you in your hunt. It shall be glorious!"

Bill: "What ever ya' say big fella'. Just be prepared, 'cause we're hunting the most dangerous game evah!"

Kraven: "Bah! I am Kraven the hunter, and I fear no man or beast!" 

Bill: "And good fashion sense as well it seems. Alright young fella' c'mon. The killing starts here."

Kraven: "Let the game tremble with fear and the fields run with the blood of our hunt."

Bill: "Yeah, what he said. Crazy bastard."

Bill: "Alright, but first things first; If'n ya' mean to hunt with me, ya' gotta' have the right look. Now ya' seem to have the camouflage pants an' attire down pat, but you're missing one special ingredient to be a true hunter."

Kraven: "Nonsense! I am Kraven the hunter. I need nothing but 

Bill: "Now hold on youngin'. I'm jus' sayin; all's that's missin' is a good hat. Ya' ain't shit unless ya' got a good huntin' hat."

Bill: "There, no don't ya' feel like a true and proper hunter now?"

Kraven: "I look as ridiculous as I feel right now. And Kraven shall not be made to look and feel foolish."

Bill: "Come now, it fits ya'. Hell son, ya' look like the spittin' image of Black Bart and Will Travel from my favorit' show, Have Gun Will Travel."

See?

                                    Kraven: "Da. So I am. Now to hunting we will go."

Bill: "Now hold on. Where's ya gun? Ya' can't go huntin' without yer' gun."

Kraven: "Foolish man. I am not needing gun. I am Kraven the hunter. I need only my bare hands and the fear in my prey's eyes."

Bill: "Damn son, that's hardcore right there! You're a crazy bastard, but I like crazy. Boy's nuttier than my poops after a 5-day binge diet of Payday and Cashews, but he's alright."

Bill: "All right youngin', here's our prey now. Ain't they beauts?"

Kraven: "But they are simply cows! I though we were to be hunting true dangerous game, not simple, stupid beasts such as these."

Bil: "Hey now, these pretty gals will fix up jus' right. You can have the one on the left, but the one on the right's all mine. I've had my eye on ol' Bessy for'n a good while now."

Kraven: "This is ridiculous and unworthy of my time and skill as a true hunter."

Bill: "Now don't be that way youngin'. The fun hasn't even started yet. We haven't SFES'd 'em yet."

Kraven: "And what pray tell is this SFESing you mention entail?"

Bill: "Well shoot, ya' mus' not be from around here, 'cause out here in these parts SFES means Shoot 'em, Fuck 'em, Eat 'em, and Shit 'em."

Kraven: "What!?"

Bill: "Hey if'n you prefer the four F's, Find 'em, Feel 'em, Fuck 'em, and Forget 'em, we can do that too if ya' like."

Kraven: "Enough of this sick foolishness! I am to be leaving now, back to hunting the Spider. Good day you sick little man."

Bill: Whas it someting' I said? I guess the feller' couldn't handle the reality of life out here. Now where was I? Oh yeah, c'mere you Bessy, daddy's in need of some comfort food. He he!"

Cows: "Mooooooooooooo!"

Disclaimer: No animal or animals were harmed in the making of this skit......That I know of. Now being made love to is something totally different.

Super Natural Northern California Cooking

It's getting the season where I am ready to spend more time on outdoor entertaining and cooking for friends.  I have been more than inspired by a darling cookbook I picked up at Anthropologie and wanted to share it with you. It's called Super Natural Every Day  by Heidi Swanson. I adore this book for many reasons, first being the recipes are simple, but delicious. What Heidi uses are the freshest and healthiest ingredients to make the most luscious food. This is what it's all about now isn't it? We need to eat as much as we can from the earth and make it fast and easy too.

So far I have made this white bean spread, which is so simple and a great appetizer or lunch with crudités or crackers. This would be a perfect with some crisp white wine in summer.

Also made this cauliflower soup. I added whole grain bread from LaBrea bakery, my favorite and drizzled with California olive oil.

I love this cookbook because Heidi is not an extremist. She uses lots of whole grains and natural ingredients, but occasionally uses white flour and sugar at times in baking when needed. She tries to encourage the use of local foods that haven't traveled far. By, "natural," she means food that is straight from the plant or animal with minimal or no processing used. This cookbook had me at breakfast, through lunch, salads, tea, treats and even popcorn. Next up I want to try her Buttermilk Cake, and her Honey and Rose Water Tapioca. There really is something for everyone and you can feel a little better knowing you are eating something great for your body too. You just may fall in love with this way of eating.

Heidi via Elle.com

Best of all, Heidi is a Northern California girl! You will enjoy her blog at 101 Cookbooks, where she shares her recipes and all things food related.

Have a great week!

Kim

"Ain't I a Creepa?"

What up people?
I take it from the empty comments section that you guys didn't care so much for yesterday's post. Well, they can't all be winners you know. Maybe you'll like today's post instead, in another edition of Tales from the Top Shelf: "Ain't I a Creepa?"

Creeper: "I'mmmmmmm just a prom night dumpster baby! A one night drunken mistaaaaaaake!"

Blue Beetle: "Yeah uh, that's disgusting."

Creeper: "Hey, I take requests. Got any? How 'bout this little diddy? These are people who have died, died.

These are people who have died, died. Hey Beetle, you've died too right?"

Blue Beetle: "Yeah, don't remind me. Really, don't."

Creeper: "Hey dying's no biggie. I've done it lots of times. And since you've died too, I guess that makes us members of the Dead Poets Society don't it?"

Blue Beetle: "Yeah, I don't think so Creeper. Not to mention what a depressing, yet oddly uplifting movie it was."

Creeper: "I liked Awakings better myself. It's no One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, but it was Robert Deniro's finest work, you know? Since all he did throughout the whole movie was sit there drooling like he had a mean case of the syphilis. Ha ha, now that's acting!"

Blue Beetle: "You're despicable! I can't believe the only skit I'll probably be in this entire year, and it's this one. God really does hate me."

Creeper: "Ain't I just a Creepa?"

The End.

Memorial Day and Normandy

Hope everyone had a relaxing weekend. I can't say enough about how much this holiday means to me. After visiting Normandy a few years ago, I feel even more the debt we owe to those who gave so much. Sometime soon I'll do another post on that entire trip. 

It was in 2008 and my boys were a bit younger, but they understand now even more what Omaha Beach was and all of it. When we visited, the new visitor center at the The Normandy American Cemetery and Memorial had just opened and it does a great job of telling you the stories behind so many who rest there. I am truly grateful to have had that experience and I'll never ever take for granted all we have here in the United States. 

Omaha Beach above and below my sons walking down to the bunkers.

The upper part of the cemetery looking over Omaha Beach.

We walked along the crosses finding men from California and so many American small towns. A bit down the road is Pont du Hoc, and below, my boys there where the Rangers scaled the cliffs.

There is much to see and learn at all these sites. I think everyone should visit Normandy if they can.

Thank you to all who have served. 

Kim

Tales from the top shelf: Nekron's Blues

Hey people.
Today I figured I'd try something different, as I begin a series of short skits under the "Tales from the top shelf" banner. Enjoy.

Nekron: "Wait, what's is this infernal place I've been taken to?"

                           Ultra-Humanite: "Ah, greetings Nekron old chap. You're right where you belong,                  here in the land of uncompleted C&C's."


                           Nekron: "What!?"

Nekron: "No, that can't be, Nooo! I was the star of Blackest Night! Surely that must count for something?"

Ultra-Humanite: "Sorry chum. But your new home is here. You'll get used to it once you've accepted the fact that you're not completed, and might not ever be."

Nekron: "Nooooooo!"

Ultra-Humanite: "Oh come now. It isn't all that bad here. Triton performs delightful magic tricks and karoke on Fridays.

Trigon: "Pick a card, any card? Is this yours?"

Ultra-Humanite: "Whilst I re-enact scenes from Shakespeare on PBS Sundays. You'll learn to love this place as we all have."

Nekron: "I can't believe I've been relegated to this...this..."

OMAC: "Hell-hole? And might I say, just from looking at you all this time....Damn!"

Nekron: "Yes hell-hole. Thank you. Wait, what did you just say?"

Nekron: "Oh me! If I wasn't already dead, I'd kill myself! I wonder if anyone here happens to have Dr. Kevorkian's phone number?"

Trigon: "What's his problem? At least he has one of his natural legs."

Ultra-Humanite: "Perhaps our poor,dear fellow here is on a hunger strike. 'Twould explain the starving artist look he's chosen to adapt."

And just to show you how many spare/uncompleted C&C/BAF parts I have from collecting figures over the years.......

Quite a mess huh? And no, I'm not sure if they'll ever be completed. But I won't say no to donations:)

Oh, and Alan Scott, the Golden Age Green Lantern, might be gay. I guess that explains his son Obsidian. Well maybe not, but still.......

Grandma and Other Highlights

Today is my grandmother's 95th birthday! Can you believe how lucky we are? She was born in 1917! She has pretty much lived through everything that has happened in the past hundred years. She is an amazing person and grandma and has given me so many wonderful traditions and memories. She is still going strong, busy with her church and friends and was still driving until a few weeks ago when she decided to stop. Check out her her creamy skin. She has always avoided sun and worn makeup every day of her life, which worked like a sunscreen before there was such a thing. Not bad for a 95 year old right? Sun worshippers take note!

Grandma in the 1930's.

My grandmother Jody grew up during the depression, daughter of migrant fruit packers. As a child, her family moved between Oregon, Washington and California. She has fond memories of Lake Chelan, Washington, where she went to high school. She met my grandfather, son of Iowa farmers, who was in California to make his own fortune, when she was engaged to another man. She said she just knew as soon as she saw him, that was it. He was the guy. She adored my grandfather and they had three children, including my father, who they raised in Southern California and later in San Jose.

Love this picture of my grandparents, probably in the 40's. Look at this stripe dress and wedge shoes! How current they look now! Grandma has always been into fashion. My grandfather was a sharp dresser too.

Grandma right, with her sister Nora and mother right before she got married in the late 1930's

All her life my grandmother has been busy with all her interests like sewing, which she is amazing at, cooking and gardening. In her time, she was a leader of cub and boy scout dens (back when moms ran it), girl scout troops, church secretary, and later head of just about everything at her beloved Calvary United Methodist Church, in San Jose's Rose Gardens, which has been around for a bit longer than her.

A family road trip in the 1950s., my dad on the left is the eldest. Love her sandals.

Grandma always has a positive outlook. She is a glass half-full kind of person, who always sees the bright side.  Also, after living through the depression, she is appreciative of everything and of course, never throws out anything that can be used for something else. She was green before green was cool. She also has been eating healthy her entire life and fed us things like bran muffins and oatmeal, and nuts when whole foods weren't in and t.v. dinners were. She also has been a inveterate vitamin popper since they first came out and takes more than a few handfuls a day and eats a TON of produce, which even I couldn't even get down.

 Many of the sayings she taught me stick in my head so much. When I was small, she used to tell me these little things when we cooked together or ran errands, something I loved doing with her. She would say, "Pretty is as pretty does," and also, "You'll catch flies with honey." That one I heard a lot as a kid, which I hated at the time of course!

A few years ago pin her 93rd. with my sons.

More than anything Grandma likes family get-togethers and entertaining. She had at one time a serious arsenal of tablecloths, napkins, plates and everything for anything. It's not unusual for her recipes to serve 60-100. Seriously! She only recently stopped cooking and planning all the church buffets and pot-lucks which she shopped, prepared and cooked for. I don't know how she keeps going, but she always says, "Honey when you stop, you're dead in the water. I get up, put on my face, get dressed and I am so happy that I went later."  I think this may be the secret to her longevity. I am sure one of them is her love of life and her desire to still do so much and of course her attitude!  I love you gram so much!

               *******

On other very exciting news, I actually have my own FEED bag finally! I owe it all to sweet Pamela over at The Style and Travel Journals, Who so kindly went to the trouble to procure one for me up in chic Canada. I am beyond thrilled with it and it's even cuter than online. It will be my summer bag for sure and I am proud to carry this bag and spend money that goes toward the cause of FEED projects, with provides school lunches to children around the globe, and The Tory Burch Foundation, which helps women procure micro loans and mentorship to women entrepreneurs. Check them out and also Pamela's blog, which is a fun escape to all things I love, travel and fashion!

And ...I am also seriously grateful to the dear Mrs Exeter. She has one of my favorite blogs about life in the English Countryside, holidays in France, fashion and wit at her Dressing Mrs Exeter. She bestowed on me the Liebster blog award, which I am most honored by.  I am so fortunate to have made so many kind friends blogging and I am truly thankful everyones notes and comments!  I think I am supposed to nominate a few too. Here are my picks for some of my favorite blogs that I visit daily and admire. It was so hard to choose I have so many.

The Liebster awards go to:

How to Love this World, a newer blog, that another Kim, (yes!), writes about style, food and fun links to everything new and cool. Love stopping by here.

Design in My View, with the lovely Linda from Coastal Southern Cal. This blog is her fun take on design, decor, art, gardening and cocktails too! J'adore!

The Style and Travel Journals, I love this blog and I can't believe I've only just found her. The quality of Pamela's blog gives Habitually Chic a run for it's money. 

La Dolfina A great blog all about treasure hunting along the California coast. Her eye for style and design is showcased in her online store too.

Trouver le Soleil, Leslie's blog from the Pacific Northwest, where she shares her thoughts on home, health, beauty, cooking and healthy living! I always love her positive vibe.

Check them out! Love these girls.

xo

Kim

"Evenflow"

This is dedicated to one little lady(and you know who you are)

Captain Cold: "Ha ha ha ha! Now that you hapless fools are on ice,  and lightened of your load of money, I'll be on my way before some pompious do-gooder happens by."

Random Victim: "Ugh! Help us, somebody. I can't feel my legs and there's a kid trapped in ice under here."

Captain Cold: "Chill out asshole. I'm sure you'll be thawed out soon.  Ha ha ha!"

Zatanna: "Ugh! I just wanna' get through this day. Great now what? I'm picking up a robbery in progress on the police scanner through the airwaves. And just when I needed to go pick of some Midol too."

Captain Cold: "Ah, Zatanna. About time one of you damn do-gooders showed up. So what's it gonna' be? Do I get my money or do these poor idiots live the rest of their disgusting lives as human popcicles?"

Zatanna: "Oh man! I really don't have time for this. Look, Aunt Flow just came to town, so can we just skip to the part where you surrender or I knock you out so I can go home?"

Captain Cold: "Wait, what!? You're on the rag? Riding the crimson wave? Swiming the blood canal?

Zatanna: "Yesss!"

Captain Cold: "So lemme' get this straight; One of the most powerful beings in the whole entire planet who can erase me out of existence with a backward word is on her period?"

Zatanna: "For the last time, yes! Wanna' make something of it?" 

Captain Cold: "Okay, I surrender. I didn't really need the dough anyway. Just going to waste it on some hookers later anyways."

Zatanna: "Yeah, I really don't need to hear about your dysfunctional love-life."

Captain Cold: "You want to me to get you some cranberry juice? I can make it into an icee?"

Zatanna: "Grrrrrr!"

Random Victim: "Hey! What the fuck guys!? Human popsicles over here. Hey, howzabout getting us outta' here? C'mon, my nuts are fucking frozen over here. My balls feel like a bag of frozen peas for fuck's sake! 'Sign' I knew I shouldn't have gone to work today."

The End

Extras/Bonus:

Captain Cold: "It's your turn to pull me on the sleigh mommy. Now do it!"

Zatanna: "'Sigh' I should've just got that abortion like the doctor recommended."